Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Illuminated

Illuminated by GothicNarcissusTime waits for no one,
So do you want to waste some time,
Oh, oh, tonight?
Don’t be afraid of tomorrow,
Just take my hand, I’ll make it feel
So much better tonight.

Suddenly my eyes are open,
Everything comes into focus, oh.
We are all illuminated,
Lights are shining on our faces, blinding.

Swing me these sorrows
And try delusion for a while,
It’s such a beautiful night.
You’ve got to lose inhibition,
Romance your ego for a while.
Come on, give it a try.

Suddenly my eyes are open,
Everything comes into focus, oh.
We are all illuminated,
Lights are shining on our faces, blinding.

We are, we are blinded.
We are, we are blinded.

[ Illuminated – Hurts ]

To be honest, I can’t quite believe I took this photo. I mean, that I finally did. The rough idea has been in my head for at least six months now, but never had the occasion to, err, see the light, if you will. So it’s really beautiful to finally see it done.
Illuminated was one of the first three Hurts songs to totally blow me away, and also the third image I saw in my mind while listening, after Evelyn and Silver Lining. At first, though, I put it aside, as I somehow didn’t feel it was mature enough to be shot yet. I focussed on other things, while having it written down among my other modelling ideas and waiting to really feel the urge to shoot it. Which came sometime in July, when I finally understood what the mood of my photo had to be: a mixture of fear and fascination for the illumination, the indecision between letting light blind you or shielding your eyes to remain in the darkness; to quote a couple of fitting lines by Anathema, “the choice between love and fear of pain”, something that I’ve started feeling again only recently (after a long period of utter rejection). I think deep within I knew this photo had to be genuine, so I kept postposing it until I really felt it. To be honest, it took me a while to decide whether I was satisfied with it or not, as I didn’t know if I was expressive enough for what I wanted (I still have huge problems with expressivity), but in the end I saw all that I wanted to represent was there.

This photo was not very easy to take. As I set the black background in a park, I had basically no reference for the focus, so my first, countless attempts just failed. I resolved to ask an old man passing by to just step in front of my tripod so that I could adjust the focus on him before I was finally able to shoot properly. I shot multiple times tying different poses, and this was the best one.
On a side note, this time I tried something completely different for my make up: I didn’t use any eyeliner or eye pencil, and only relied on eye shadow, which I applied using a big Neve brush on the eyelid and a quite small one on the lower part. I love the smoky effect I got, so I’m definitely going to use it again, also in my everyday life when make up is required.

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