Miracle

“Talk to me, girl, tell me your lies.
Let your secrets hypnotise.
‘Cause the light will never shine on this heart of mine
And all the love we sacrificed.

Look at all of the damage you have done in time.
You can see what a savage I’ve become, in my eyes.
If you look in my heart you will find –

No love, no light, no end in sight,
And I’m looking for a miracle,
And I’m looking for a miracle.
But I hope, I pray, and I will fight,
‘Cause I’m looking for a miracle,
‘Cause I’m looking for a miracle.

There’s a place I wanna go and a life I wanna know,
But you crucified my heart of gold.

But oh, look at all of the damage you have done in time.
If you offer salvation, I will run into your arms
And deep in my heart you will find –

No love, no light, no end in sight,
And I’m looking for a miracle,
And I’m looking for a miracle.
But I hope, I pray, and I will fight,
‘Cause I’m looking for a miracle,
‘Cause I’m looking for a miracle.”

[ Miracle – Hurts ]

So, Hurt’s Exile has been out for over one year now and, if you don’t count Ohne Dich, which is based on a cover and single b-side, I haven’t taken any photos inspired by the album yet. Shame on me, really. The truth is, I have many ideas, but they’re ambitious and difficult to pull together. Miracle was definitely one of those.
To be honest, I’ve been working on this photo in a way or another for longer than I care to remember. I’m pretty positive I had the idea as soon as the single was out and started planning it ever since. I mean, the song has amazing lyrics and the videos, especially the original version (which was censored because… I don’t know, Christians are morons?), are so inspiring my mind immediately started working. The original idea was me (because I totally see myself in the lyrics) with a golden halo holding my damaged, rotten heart with no love, no light and what else is there for everyone to see.
Putting it into an actual photo was another story. I started concretely working on the photo around January 2014, when I found the most difficult prop to come across: the heart. I tried to look for one on the internet, but as I only came across ugly-looking rubber ones, I started thinking I had to rip one out Once Upon A Time style. Then I found one while looking for unrelated props in Milan and when I pulled it out of my bag during a dinner to the disgust of my friends, I knew it looked realistic enough for the photo to work. I subsequently bought some golden paperboard to make a halo, but I left it gathering dust on my desk until a few weeks ago because I had never made a halo and was afraid I would suck at it. Which, you’d say, big deal, if I did it wrong I could just buy another paperboard and start over: and yes, but when I’m undertaking stuff for the first time I just get paralysed by fear of not being good enough, so I tend to give up. I finally forced myself to give it a shot early in August and, surprise surprise, I got it right at the first attempt, including sticking it to my hairpin so I could fix it on my head. Oh, and yes, it was fun to document the thing on Instagram to tease my followers.
I went on to shot the photo a couple of days later and it went smooth, even though I had to operate my camera with bloody hands. But due to urgent commissioned works and, especially, clinical depression s-s-summertime, summertime sadness, I didn’t finish it until a couple of days ago. So wow, eight months to shoot a photo only because my head is a mess. On the other hand, though, the wait paid back because I acquired new postproduction skills and I am now able to give my photos the pictorial look this one in particular needed, so I don’t know if I could have made it perfect a few months ago.
On a side note, someday I’m going back to this song to shoot a photo especially inspired by ∆T∆TIK∆’s ’Miraculous’ Remix, which is a truly amazing and inspiring piece of music in its own right. For now, though, enjoy rotten-hearted Saint Narcissus.

Revenge

“I’ll hush.
May you ride the horse that throws you down.
All ash.
May justice pay the price of your crown.
Save me from myself.
Save me from myself.
Save me from myself.
Save me, please.

Why are you digging my bones?
It seems so predictable.
I cannot be on my own.
Under your manic control
I’m starving and begging to finally
Get a life. Leave me alone.

My dear, I’ve heard you
Banging your head against the wall.
Annoy me
Like you annoy the dark upon the arch.
Save me from myself.
Save me from myself.
Save me from myself.
Save me, please.

Why are you digging my bones?
It seems so predictable.
I cannot be on my own.
Under your manic control
I’m starving and begging to finally
Get a life. Leave me alone.”

[ Revenge – Leandra ]

Here is a new photo from the Isomorphine half of my Morphine series.
This photo has the distinction of being the first and so far only one from this project which does not have a surreal theme. As surrealism just happens to be one of the recurring themes in the series, and not one of its aesthetic standpointes, I didn’t have to necessarily include it if it didn’t fit. This song is mostly emotive and written with abstract metaphores that apply to real life situations, rather than inside somebody’s mind, so it didn’t call for surrealism.
As always, I got most of the inspiration from the lyrics of the song: they are about a disfunctional relationship which is going to end soon, so I had to emphasise this sense of separateness. I also got further inspiration from the music of the song: Leandra is a masterful pianist and this is one of the songs in her second album which shows it the most, so I thought it was fair to have a piano in the photo. This standpoint helped me define the imagery, together with one of the lines that caught my attention the most, the “I heard you banging your head against the wall” part in the second verse, which I wanted to include somehow. Thus I potrayed the separation with one of the characters pursuing his own business in an attempt to feel free after he grew cold in the relationship, and the other standing in the background almost unnoticed, in despair and banging his head for the regret of having reached such a sour point in the relationship. The general mood of the song is bitter and resentful but rather calm, which is the same feeling I wanted to convey with my photo: the slow death of sentiments when two people slowly become strangers under the same roof.
The shoot for this photo was set up very quickly: I found out my friend Eliseo had a classical-styled piano, so I quickly arranged to meet him and take the photo. Shooting was a bit difficult because the day was hot and wet and I had very little space to set the tripod and couldn’t see what was going on through the lens. It took a few attempts, but at very last we did it. It also took me near a month to postproduce this photo because of my mild depression issues and lots of work to do, both translations and commissioned photos, but at last here we are.
Funny unimportant side note: I was actually playing Exodus by Evanescence because that’s the only thing I remember how to play on the piano.