So, it’s been ten years…

My very first “photoshoot” ever… wasn’t very much of a photoshoot at all, to be honest. At least not at the beginning.
Basically, on an October afternoon, back in 2006, a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to grab my compact camera and go out take some pictures of him to impress a girl. Who was a mutual friend, so why not taking some photos together, too? And since I would be all dolled up, I thought, why not striking a pose or two and look pretty all on my own? So I wore my then-favourite striped green sweater, some really questionable jeans and shoes, I put on some make up and off I went.
The initial results were a mixed bag: a handful of photos of him, some terrible, some almost decent, considering I barely knew what I was doing (except absolutely NO-BACKLIGHT); a few photos of the two of us, which were a good practice for placing the camera on whatever available surface; and a few selfies before it was cool.

Seriously, it’s just a selfie.

And then, something happened.
Being very camera shy, my friend was okay with just a few pics; the rest of the afternoon we spend with me bossing him around to help me take some photos. Because as soon as I could put the camera on whatever windowsill or step I could find in front of interesting places, or tell my friend how exactly I wanted him to shoot me, more and more ideas kept coming up.
Having already seen my share of bloggish gothic imagery, I had discovered a few more serious artists, following whom I kept occasionally popping up and lurking around deviantArt; the thought of trying something of the sort had been growing in the back of my mind for quite some time and I don’t know, that afternoon I finally tried to do just that. With barely any idea of what I was doing (because come on, a striped sweater, messy hair and a line of kajal is definitely not gothic imagery), try I did.
Or maybe I wasn’t so clueless, after all. As I mentioned several times, my initial thought was to go into a more digital direction, which was all the rage back then; my postproducing tools consisting only of Ulead PhotoExpress, though, I was pretty aware I could not just cut myself out of a blank background and put me onto something different, so I had to work with some interesting environment to begin with. And the historic centre of Alghero happens to be a 16th Century walled town with plenty of nice spots to use, so I thought I could work something out even if it didn’t look like I was lying in some dimly lit underground temple or some cemetery at night time. Also, having zero control over the camera, which worked strictly in automatic mode and was mostly managed by my friend, meant that I couldn’t take extra dark photos to begin with, so… well, I had to try and make something out of it through my own expressivity.

And then, I muted the colours to make it look more gooothic.

Even though the most I could manage was looking unconvincingly brooding, I can kind of say I came up with a moodboard on the spot and the shooting as a whole, outtakes included, has a sort of cohesive theme. Evanescence’s The Open Door had just recently come out and, well, to say I was obsessed with it would be an understatement. My obsession included the promotional pictures for the album, so I ended up posing in front of whatever ancient-looking door, window, gate, fence, balcony, architectural structure I thought was cool. And even though the poses were awkward, silly or downright second-hand (a few shots were an attempt to copy Amy Lee walking on the fountain in the My Immortal video, except I was walking on a well), I did try my best to look thoughtful, whimsical, lovelorn or dramatic. I really wanted to express something with those photos, be it just my admiration for some cool music without realising yet the full potential of actually working on a concept like that to create a true synesthesia between songs and the images.

Dramatic pose and a fancy window. This is what got me here.

 

But yes, the embryo of what would become the cornerstones of my artistic endeavour were already there. I really do look back fondly at those photos, however naive and raw they are: had I not gone out that afternoon, maybe I would have tried anyway to express myself through photography, sooner or later, but it’s nice to see I had sensed what road suited me best from the beginning.
Eventually, a few of those photos made their way out of my computer: when I joined deviantArt exactly ten years ago, on October 26th, I found them expressive enough to share them with artistic purposes, and it all snowballed into… today, packing up to work three days of commissioned shootings at a cosplay convention. And yes, there is also one particular photo from that afternoon which I think really worked and I decided to “remake” as a sort of celebration. Here we go with the Evanescence-themed The Only One, 2006 and 2016:

Mesmerism and Earthly Temptation, aka “How come I shot so little in 2015”

So, the story goes like this: last year I was approached by a certain glamour and fetish (and alternative…ish) model who wanted to try something different, more artsy and conceptual, and my photography style met her needs. We spent a few months brainstorming and exchanging ideas, discarded a few that weren’t feasible on a non-existent budget, postponed the shoot due to distance, holidays, work, university and, admittedly, my being ill at the very last minute once, until finally, in January 2015, we arranged our TF* shoot. Out of our brainstorming sessions, we had four ideas that were feasible and together would take a day to prepare and do. No problem, I’m 100% in.

I’m not going into detail of things that slowed us down and how one of those ideas could not be done in the end, I’ll just say that another one required a less than flattering pose to be done. After I had already postproduced it (and asked some friends to shoot for me some props that the model didn’t have so I could put them there digitally), the photo was scrapped by the model because it looked awkward. Whatever, I wasn’t enthusiastic about it either. Out of the initial four ideas, only two made the final cut.

Now, the idea for Earthly Temptation was entirely mine: when I was in Prague I visited an art exhibition which featured Dalì on one floor and Mucha on the next, so my mind made a connection and I thought it would be nice to pay a tribute to Dali’s Grapes of Immortality in an Art Nouveau-looking piece. I had no specific ideas about the model so I contributed this idea for the shoot not to look like I didn’t care while she did all the thinking. The model agreed, saw the styling herself before we shot, saw several postproduction steps before I hand-drew the skulls on the grapes, until she suddenly decided the photo wasn’t okay to publish. After I spent an afternoon on those skulls with my tablet. The reason? “It wasn’t her style”, which a) was kind of the point of the whole shoot, b) she could have told me straightaway before we even shot, let alone I was done postproducing. Besides, given that she approached me and not the other way around, one would assume she knew what she was hopping into. Nevermind, I told myself, I’m saving it – the idea and the postproduction – for someone else who’s really into fine art photography and won’t object to Art Nouveau. It’s not a big deal.

Then we had Mesmerism. Oh boy, Mesmerism. The prompt she gave me was, “I want to take a photo like Parker Harrison’s Gautier’s Dream” – not much to go with, because even tributes need to have subtlety. Okay, I thought, I can try and make this concept our own so it won’t look like plagiarism: the final idea was having her blindfolded by a big gauze bandage all over her head, a dripping candle on top of that, and moths flying all around. Also, what to do with the hands? What about you hold them upside close to your chest with smaller candles dripping on your wrists? Okay, that was settled.
So on went preparing the outfit and props, which took nearly two hours: aside from the bandage, the lady didn’t want wax dripped directly on her wrists, so I came up with cuttin some fabric, melting wax on the pieces to make a base for the candles, put it in the fridge so it would solidify quickly, add all the droplets, paste the candles on top, and we shot it at last.
You’d think the moth-filled background, which you can see in the final version of Mesmerism I published and did entirely digitally, was the biggest work in post production, but boy, was iy but the tip of the iceberg of what I had to do to that photo.
First off, she was very specific on a few things she wanted me to fix in beauty retouch phase; then the bandage looked like an awful turban twice the size of her head, so I had to liquefy the hell out of it to recreate the shape; then I had to fix the fabric texture because it didn’t even look like gauze anymore; then I had to shoot some dripping wax separately on an old white shirt wrapped around a vase because the one we dripped on the fabric to replicate the original photo looked like seagull shit (see, girl, the bloke in the photo is bald, you didn’t notice because it’s monochrome; wax does drip on skin, but gauze is kinda sorta absorbent AF, that’s its whole gig). Blend everything to make it look realistic, add some fancy filters, and there it was, the final version of the photo.
Side note: I had to come up with a concept and title retroactively because “We’ve got this idea but it has to mean something to be art”, but when I suggested Mesmerism and its lyrics to the model, she dismissed it because “It isn’t the concept I want my photo to represent” – which, as you can deduce, was non-existent to begin with, ‘cause “Let’s copy Shana and Robert Parker Harrison” is not a concept.

The title wasn’t the only time I consulted with her during my work: at each step of the editing I sent her previews and screenshots, listened to her input and asked if it was what she really wanted for the photo. Some photographers I talked to laughed at my face because the general practice is not to give a shit about what the models think and I was being too accommodating. Well, it took me three months to do everything, and only after that did she decide that “No, we can’t use this photo”. The reason? The very minor detail of the wax on the wrists looked off. And it was one of the three things that were there in the original photo, which she could have told me at the very beginning before I spent weeks fixing and editing everything else. Oh, and by the way, why did it look off? Because she couldn’t keep the fuck still and dropped both candles on the floor shattering most of the wax work I had done.
You know what the last straw was, though? When I told her there was no way I could edit it and have it still look even vaguely realistic, she just said, “If you’re not capable, why don’t you turn the photo to my photographer friend and see if he can do it?”.

Excuse me, bitch?

How about HELL TO THE NO. No one mess with my babies.
I swear I never felt more disrespected in my life. It was totally like I went there and asked her, “Honey, I really dislike your nose: do you mind if I shoot that of my smoking hot model friend and stick it to your face?”. I mean, can you even? Because I can’t even.

Now, that photo was mine and I could have published it anyway. But as you can guess, I had had it and I told her she could keep her idea and shoot it with any other photographer she deemed worthy, I would keep my own work and use it otherwise – meaning the postproduction and the idea I added to save her input. Finally, I organised a shoot with my dearest, beloved, trustworthy BriarRose, and at long last the photos are done.

What’s interesting to know is, as meaningless as a bad experience with a pretentious person who can’t make up her mind might be, it affected me very deeply and is the primary reason why I’ve been so little productive this year (aside from paid assignments). At first I had this burden in my mind of editing those goddamn photos and I felt guilty about doing other stuff. Then, I felt really disheartened and started doubting myself and my work. When I talked about it with my psychologist, he looked at me and said, “Do you really need a minus habens’ approval to be at peace with your work?”. I laughed really hard and he was totally right, but I still couldn’t touch my camera for personal stuff unless it was photos I’d had in mind for years and felt were finally ready to come out. And yes, in the meantime I got plenty of positive feedback from people who commissioned and paid me for my work, but I just couldn’t shake off that one “failure”.
Despite being ultimately a retroactive title, Mesmerism and its lyrics came to really symbolise that particular phase of my artistic (and general) life I was going through, so I was twice as determined to do another take on those photos and make a job that would put the old one to shame. It was only a matter of schedule.
Well, looking at the unedited photos then and now, maybe (and I say, maybe) the problem was not me. A part of me even felt bad for putting the background to the new Mesmerism because it looked amazing even with an empty black backdrop. Conversely, the moment I saw the old one I really wanted to cry and tried (and, if you don’t mind, succeeded) to edit it into something amazing only because I didn’t want to waste the hard work that I put into setting it up. Spot the difference.

As painful and frustrating as this experience has been, it has taught me a lot of things.
a) Save your good ideas for people you know, love and trust.
b) If people can’t make up their mind, don’t invest your time and energy into thinking for them, especially if you’re not getting paid.
c) Make stricter release notes so you go on with your work over the model’s dead body.
d) Let them have a say only if they’re paying you for the service you’re providing – and even then they need you because you know how to get things done.
e) Disturbed ≠ deep, and if someone thinks so, run away and don’t look back.
f) If they treat other people like they’re doing them a favour in letting said people do them a favour (i.e.: the one photo we didn’t even get to shoot), run even faster ‘cause they’re going to be like that with you too.
g) Always bring a back up light bulb for your softbox.
h) Always bring back up props because the more ambitious the model, the less likely they are to have everything on spot.
i) Don’t measure your talent on the ego and expectations of pretentious people and don’t let their judgement make you doubt yourself – you don’t care about their opinion anyway.

Now that Mesmerism is out, and with Earthly Temptation on its way I really feel relieved and confident. I swear I’ll try to pull myself together, make good of December and kick some ass in 2016. And those who think I’m not good enough… well, are you good enough?

Miracle

“Talk to me, girl, tell me your lies.
Let your secrets hypnotise.
‘Cause the light will never shine on this heart of mine
And all the love we sacrificed.

Look at all of the damage you have done in time.
You can see what a savage I’ve become, in my eyes.
If you look in my heart you will find –

No love, no light, no end in sight,
And I’m looking for a miracle,
And I’m looking for a miracle.
But I hope, I pray, and I will fight,
‘Cause I’m looking for a miracle,
‘Cause I’m looking for a miracle.

There’s a place I wanna go and a life I wanna know,
But you crucified my heart of gold.

But oh, look at all of the damage you have done in time.
If you offer salvation, I will run into your arms
And deep in my heart you will find –

No love, no light, no end in sight,
And I’m looking for a miracle,
And I’m looking for a miracle.
But I hope, I pray, and I will fight,
‘Cause I’m looking for a miracle,
‘Cause I’m looking for a miracle.”

[ Miracle – Hurts ]

So, Hurt’s Exile has been out for over one year now and, if you don’t count Ohne Dich, which is based on a cover and single b-side, I haven’t taken any photos inspired by the album yet. Shame on me, really. The truth is, I have many ideas, but they’re ambitious and difficult to pull together. Miracle was definitely one of those.
To be honest, I’ve been working on this photo in a way or another for longer than I care to remember. I’m pretty positive I had the idea as soon as the single was out and started planning it ever since. I mean, the song has amazing lyrics and the videos, especially the original version (which was censored because… I don’t know, Christians are morons?), are so inspiring my mind immediately started working. The original idea was me (because I totally see myself in the lyrics) with a golden halo holding my damaged, rotten heart with no love, no light and what else is there for everyone to see.
Putting it into an actual photo was another story. I started concretely working on the photo around January 2014, when I found the most difficult prop to come across: the heart. I tried to look for one on the internet, but as I only came across ugly-looking rubber ones, I started thinking I had to rip one out Once Upon A Time style. Then I found one while looking for unrelated props in Milan and when I pulled it out of my bag during a dinner to the disgust of my friends, I knew it looked realistic enough for the photo to work. I subsequently bought some golden paperboard to make a halo, but I left it gathering dust on my desk until a few weeks ago because I had never made a halo and was afraid I would suck at it. Which, you’d say, big deal, if I did it wrong I could just buy another paperboard and start over: and yes, but when I’m undertaking stuff for the first time I just get paralysed by fear of not being good enough, so I tend to give up. I finally forced myself to give it a shot early in August and, surprise surprise, I got it right at the first attempt, including sticking it to my hairpin so I could fix it on my head. Oh, and yes, it was fun to document the thing on Instagram to tease my followers.
I went on to shot the photo a couple of days later and it went smooth, even though I had to operate my camera with bloody hands. But due to urgent commissioned works and, especially, clinical depression s-s-summertime, summertime sadness, I didn’t finish it until a couple of days ago. So wow, eight months to shoot a photo only because my head is a mess. On the other hand, though, the wait paid back because I acquired new postproduction skills and I am now able to give my photos the pictorial look this one in particular needed, so I don’t know if I could have made it perfect a few months ago.
On a side note, someday I’m going back to this song to shoot a photo especially inspired by ∆T∆TIK∆’s ’Miraculous’ Remix, which is a truly amazing and inspiring piece of music in its own right. For now, though, enjoy rotten-hearted Saint Narcissus.

A Fine Day To Exit

“Deep inside the silence, staring out upon the sea.
The waves are washing over half forgotten memory.
Deep within the moment, laughter floats upon the breeze,
Rising and falling, dying down within me.

And I swear I never knew, I never knew how it could be.
And all this time, all I had inside was what I couldn’t see.
I swear I never knew, I never knew how it couldn’t be.
All the waves are washing over all that hurts inside of me.

Beyond this beautiful horizon lies a dream for you and I.
This tranquil scene is still unbroken by the rumours in the sky.
There’s a storm closing in, voices crying on the wind.
The serenade is growing colder, breaks my soul that tries to sing.
There’s so many, many thoughts when I try to go to sleep,
But with you I start to feel a sort of temporary peace.
There’s a drift in and out, drift in and out,
Drift in and out, drift in and out,
Drift in and out, drift in and out,
Drift in and out, drift in and out,
Drift in and out, drift in and out,
Drift…”

[ Temporary Peace – Anathema ]

This is how I spent my Valentine’s Day: out at the beach taking photos with my mom.

I needed some time before I got back at editing these pictures because it was a strangely emotional day. We went there to pay a visit to the tomb of our cat Murka and then went for a walk looking for some photographic ideas (and dropping both our lens caps in the sand, yay). I don’t really know how these two photos came out, but in some ways they were very cathartic. I was already in a gloomy Anathema mood after shooting The Lost Child and the sound of the waves, the wind and the murky sky amplified it. Plus, visiting my cat’s tomb felt a bit strange: it was the first time I got the feeling there was actually someone buried there, that if I dug I could still find her body there. I understood what they mean when they say tombs are made for the living, to give them a faint connection to the dead and make them feel closer.

I’m still missing Murka badly and I was that afternoon, too, but there was some sort of cold comfort in thinking we have a special place to remember her by. And after all, I was still there with my mom doing one of the things we love the most – photography – and we have countless memories of Murka to share and warm our heart with. It felt refreshing after a whole week of apathy: I’m not very good at connecting with my feelings and photography is one of the few things that helps me do so, especially when people I love are involved. Perhaps that’s the reason why it felt so liberating to hand my camera to my mom and have her picture my feelings while I was humming the song. That moment didn’t felt lonely or painful because we put our feelings into the photos and let go a bit of the hurt.

This is why, after editing the photos, I decided to wait a couple more days and publish them today, which is my mom’s birthday: it’s beautiful to have someone always to count on, to know we can always comfort each other not only with words, but just by sharing these moments.
I love you, mom.

Black Jesus

“Black, black, black, black.
Black, black, black, black.
Black, black, black, black.

Jesus is the new black,
Jesus is the new black,
Jesus is the new black,
Jesus is the new black, ow!

I grew up in New York City,
Since I was born on Broadway, baby.
Moved downtown when I was just nineteen
To start a new life on the New York scene.
There’s no way I could be stopped,
Was taking my best shot,
I had a better plan.
There’s no way I could be stopped,
Was coming for your spot,
I met better men.

Amen on the runway,
Dressed in his best.
Amen fashion on the runway,
Work it, Black Jesus.
Amen on the runway,
Dressed in his best.
Amen fashion on the runway,
Work it, Black Jesus.”

[ Black Jesus † Amen Fashion – Lady Gaga ]

I don’t really know how to consider this photo in relation to Amen Fashion – if it’s a sequel, a prequel, if they are related at all or go on their own, but here it is. Taking two separate photos for the Black Jesus and Amen Fashion halves of the title was my plan from the beginning, and I can say the two photos turned out two polar opposites: monochrome vs colour, indoors vs outdoors, dark vs light, long-pondered concept vs sudden gust of inspiration… maybe this is what well make them go along eventually.
There is a bit of an inside joke on this photo, because once I was out spotting a rather neglected beard, but was dressed quite well as usual. On a bus, a little girl was staring at me, then all of sudden asked her mother: “Mom, is that boy Jesus?”. I don’t know what kept me from replying: “No, sweetheart, I’m too well-dressed. I’d rather be the Antichrist.”, but that’s basically how I got the idea of a fashionable Black Jesus with a bramble brooch on the beret instead of the crown of thorns. And here we go: the brooch was the hardest thing to come by for the shoot, but at least it’s done now. I had a lot of fun both thinking and actually doing it because, for some reasons, I bloody enjoy twisting christian imagery. Maybe because it’s so morbid and perverted on its own and appeals to my murkiest side.

I really wish I could speed up this project, but for some reasons it turned out to be slower than I expected. I guess that’s because many songs are about couples, which are scarce to find (especially couples where both partners are photogenic), and a lot because I feel more committed to my other projects. Besides, I have most of Born This Way and the whole The Fame Monster mapped out, am working easily on Artpop, but most of The Fame songs just stay silent. I just have no chemistry with most of that album. So, I guess I will take one step at a time without trying to rush this project out. I don’t know, let’s see.

A pin-up experiment

After such a satisfying and successful series as the Thirties Diva, Deborah Luna and I really wanted to work togther again and experiment with yet another style. So when we met again, we organised a quick photoshoot in a Fifties pin-up style - which suit her very well.
For a whole series of circumstances, I arrived at Deborah Luna’s later than expected, so beside the fashion part, I could make an attempt at taking photos with difficult light conditions, namely twilight. The sun had already set when we went out, so I had to work with the scattering light, which gave some of the photos a very soft touch and slight bluish hue I loved. Besides, we did some experiments using streetlight, although only one turned out good (Reverie). I’m quite proud of that photo because I shot it without setting up the tripod or using an excessively high ISO speed, which means I’ve improved with the firmness of my hand.

As “bonus shoots”, we took some photos with pearls back at her place, which turned out lovely despite not being what we were trying to get at the beginning.

It has been an all in all brief session and not only did we get to accomplish less than half of what we had already planned, but I eventually had to scrap quite a lot of photos compared to the ones I could save, but those few ones were worth the effor anyways. I hope you like them!

Heavy Metal Lover

“I want your whiskey mouth all over my blonde south.
Red wine, cheap perfume, and a filthy pout.
Tonight bring all your friends because a group does it better.
Love is down with a dance: let’s have a full house of leather.

Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-who, ooh-ooh-ooh,
Ooh-ooh-who, ooh-ooh-who,
Heavy metal lover.
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-who, ooh-ooh-ooh,
Ooh-ooh-who, ooh-ooh-who,
Heavy metal lover.

Dirty pony, I can’t wait to hose you down.
You’ve got to earn your leather in this part of town.Dirty girls, in a patch Follow the Remington Rebels.
Let’s raise hell in the streets, drink beer and get into trouble.

Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-who, ooh-ooh-ooh,
Ooh-ooh-who, ooh-ooh-who,
Heavy metal lover.
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-who, ooh-ooh-ooh,
Ooh-ooh-who, ooh-ooh-who,
Heavy metal lover.

I could be your girl-girl-girl, girl-girl-girl,
But would you love me if I ruled the world-world-world?

Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-who, ooh-ooh-ooh,
Ooh-ooh-who, ooh-ooh-who,
Heavy metal lover.

Whip me, slap me, punk funk.
New York clubbers bump-drunk.
Dark like liquorice, bar slam.
Move it, this is your jam.
Wash the night with St. Jameson
Like a baptism,
Heavy metal lovers play,
Baby we were born this way.”

[ Heavy Metal Lover - Lady Gaga ]

Oh yes, folks: this is yaoi and totally Lady Gaga!
First of all, let me introduce to you the model: Alessandro is a friend of mine and he’s the one who made me love Lady Gaga. Like the average metalhead, initially I utterly despised her, then I found out a couple of her songs were a guilty pleasure to me, and then Alessandro basically forced me to really listen to her, which totally conquered me. Heavy Metal Lover is currently my favourite Gaga song and is also one of Alessandro’s favourites. All of the above, combined with the fact he’s one of the hottest boys I know, made him the perfect choice for my co-model in this shot.

Now I’ll introduce to you the photo. I had the idea last September while having dinner at the Chinese right after listening obsessively to this song for the whole afternoon. Suddenly, while I was humming the chorus waiting for my noodles, the image as you see it stuck in my head (except for the model) and I knew I had to do it. Everything, from the poses to the make up, accessories, lighting, hue and Impact font title was there in my mind, so I just texted it on my mobile not to forget it and then transcribed it to a txt file on my computer.
It is interesting to say that I had largely neglected that song for months before I suddenly started obsessing over it and got the inspiration. I subsequently realised that part of it came also from The Fame Monster promotional shoots taken by Heidi Silmane, most notably the frontal light, golden hue and the chains, but that’s unsurprising, given that everything about Gaga is inspiring, from her music to her visuals and character.
Perfect, the idea was there, as clear as day. The problem now was finding a model. I could not ask just anybody randomly because I needed a certain complicity with my “heavy metal lover” in order for the photo to work: basically, I knew that if we did not feel at our ease with each other, the photo would come up totally fake and passionless. That, and I would not have dared to pose (half) naked while hugging and snogging and almost fucking a perfect stranger. I decided to ask Alessandro because we get along well (at least when I’m not trolling him) and after we met for the first time I found out he had much more sex appeal face to face than in his Facebook pictures. I had to work a bit to convince him because of the bare-chested part, but in the end he agreed and we shot.

The shoot was, like, hilarious. I did Alessandro’s make up and hair with much complaint both from him and from me, as I dreaded his indomitable hair but ended up yelling at him after I found out that it was easy to comb (he even had a natrual wave) and he simply never did it. Then I dolled him up with the fetish accessories, with Heavy Metal Lover looping from his laptot all the while. Once again, LunarShore was there to help and assist us. He acted as my “double” while I was setting the camera on the tripod so I could be sure I would not end up out of the frame, and as my “remote control” pushing the button with my settings while I was posing. As you can see from the backstage pictures, there was a huge lot of laughing because I eventually scratched Alessandro, bit his collar, we lost balance multiple times and could not be serious in those making-out poses for more than thirty seconds at a time. Then we decided to shoot the Heavy Metal Barbapapa thing after LunarShore’s idea and that was the end of it all. Fortunately, the photo I wanted had been taken and we were done with the whole ordeal anyways.

So, this is my first serious and openly homoerotic photo and I’m really glad I could finally get it out of my mind after six months. I really have a bunch of such photos written down and patiently waiting for their turn, but some require an ever closer bond between me and the other model, so they’re, well, on hold indefinitely. On the other hand, I’m developing a lot of ideas based on Gaga’s songs, so perhaps that will be my new project, in parallel with the Infernal Lords and the Inspiration Hurts series. I just have to find it a name.

Diva

Deborah Luna and I have been knowing each other for quite some time now. We initially got in touch via Facebook because we have many photography-related friends in common, but we found out we really get along well and quickly became friends outside of the photography world. We met a couple of times when I went to Milan and decided we had to definitely work together. We gathered so many ideas that we had to choose what to do when, and the first project we decided to develop was the Diva one.

In my opinion, Deborah Luna is not your typical gothic chick: although that style suits her, I think the early Twentieth Century styles suit her better. Thus, I proposed to her a photoshoot in a Thirties-inspired outfit in the beautiful Art Dèco setting of Milan Central Station (its marble part, as opposed to the steel canopies I exploited for the hooligan session with Shinichi). What I wanted to portray was a mundane and glamorous diva of the past, totally different from the ethereal, tormented gothic damesels I used to portray a couple of years ago, but also “unreachable” if compared to the more “everyday” girls I’ve been shooting in between.

Once we set a date for the shoot, Deborah Luna did the make up and hair, then we decided the outfit together and we were ready to go. The architecture of Milan Central Station is quite complex and creates an interesting play of the light that provided the photos with a lot of variety, some being bright and colourful and some being more sombre and gloomy. Also, despite the general glamorous mood shared by the whole series, some turned out to be emotionally deeper, such as the tender naivety of Come On Down or the murky melancholy of Mourning Air. Others were lush, playful and sensual, with the architecture enhatching the retro feeling given by Deborah Luna’s outfit, such as Fever Pitch, Femme Fatale, She’s So... and Luxury’s A Right, which were taken to showcase the model’s sensuality. I even designed some of the photos like advertising for jewels and clothes, most notably Fleeting Instant and The Wait.

I’m really proud of this series as, despite having a strong, glamorous continuity, each photo feels unique. My personal favourite out of these nine is The Wait, as it summarizes all the aspects of this shot, both the glamour and the emotions, the fashionable and melancholic side of a diva who’s, first of all, a woman with a heart.

Breaking The Habit

“I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream.
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean.
I don’t know how I got this way,
I’ll never be alright,
So I’m breaking the habit,
I’m breaking the habit,
I’m breaking the habit
Tonight.”

[ Breaking The Habit - Linkin Park ]

Some time ago, I mentioned on my Facebook fanpage I wanted to shoot an Asian model. I had browsed through some photography portals but found no one I particularly liked, until my friend Dani introduced Shinichi to me. When we started talking to organise the photoshoot, I found out that not only did Shin have beaufitul features, but we were also on the same wave length on a plenty of things, so the collaboration seemed interesting since the beginning.

Eventually, things did not go exactly how we planned them. We initially intended to shoot with a formal look in an upper-class urban environment, but we had to change plans at the last minute due to several circumstances. So, we ended up with a more alternative, metal-like outfit, with a subsequent change of the basic concept of the session: I kept the urban theme but switched to something more industrial and hooligan-esque, opting for Milan Central Station for the set. This in turn allowed me to bring to life some older concepts I had almost shelved, so the session was very satisfying anyways.
Inspiration for this set ranged from my evergreen Theatre of Tragedy fascination to Röyksopp, which I’ve been listening to a lot in the last few weeks, up to my newly-rediscovered Linkin Park. As we were shooting in one of my favourite locations, Milan Central Station, I tried to include also some iron architecture elements in the photos.
During postproduction, I noticed the whole series had a strong cohesion, perhaps more than ever, so I decided to apply the same posproduction to all the photos, turning them monochromatic with a subtle bluish/reddish hue.

I’m saving one last photo for a separate post, as it is the odd one out and deserves a threatemen of its own due to its particular developement. Meanwhile, enjoy the main photoshoot:

Sleep Now, Quiet Forest

“Sleep now,
The misty touch of green,
The leafy eaves,
The tender moss,
The trees,
The summer dusk gleams in gold.

You sleep now,
You sleep now,
You sleep now,
And rest.

You sleep now,
You sleep now,
You sleep now,
And rest.

Soft changing light,
New shadows
Under beams,
White flowers close
And wait for night.

You sleep now,
You sleep now,
You sleep now,
And rest.

You sleep now,
And rest.”

[ Sleep Now, Quiet Forest - Todesbonden ]

Badde Salighes, Sardinian for "valley of willows", is a very dear place to me. It was originally Welsh engineer Benjamin Piercy’s Sardinian estate, which featured a 19th Century mansion and an English-style garden, which was totally neglected after his death and eventually turned into an actual forest all around the mansion. When I was a child, my mother would drive me there for picnics, often with friends, and those are among my most beautiful memories of the time. This is one of the reasons why I absolutely wanted to shot there and chose it as the location for my Mother Earth photo.


Despite the whole place having shrunk in time (actually it was me who had grown twice as taller, but that was the perception I had) and the then-run-down mansion having been recently restored, it still kept its magic aura making it a real pleasure to shoot there. My mother and I had real fun experimenting with the kaleidoscope of different light conditions the dusky forest gave us, from warm setting sun rays to soft evenfall light, which gave the photos a wide range of moods. This was also the first time I worked with a tripod. I had just purchased mine and as by the end of the set twilight was settling and light decreasing, I had the perfect occasion for some practice. I could reduce the amount of ISO so that even a photo taken with such poor light as Mother Earth could be sharp and not grainy.

I'm still extremely fond of this photoshoot, both for the meaningfulness of such captions as Mother Earth and the Samhain series and because I could finally incorporate a beautful piece of my childhood into my art. This gave the photos a serene yet somehow nostalgic mood that touches me even after all these years.

Here are also the photos for which I modelled, all taken by my mother. You Made My Heart A Hunter and May You Not Rest were taken with the tripod, so my mother practiced with it too after all!

Totally blending the lines

“Switch to another dream, to a quiet spite.
Think back at some time when there was a fading touch.
Colour me white and paint the vistas grey.
Everyday there’s an electric ray of all too many shimmer-lights.

And I can see another time,
Another face, forgotten days.
And I can see another time,
Another face, forgotten days.”

[ Astray - Theatre of Tragedy ]

Blending the lines, bending the rules, sabotaging commonplaces and clichés, experimenting brand new solutions, exploring different aesthetics, reinventing ourselves and our work: this is what this photoshoot of me modelling for Briar Rose is all about. After taking a step further in my exploration path as a photographer, I could not miss to do so as a model too, in particular given the chance to work with such a gifted photographer as Briar Rose.
The general idea for this photoshoot was born when I told her I wanted a different, more masculine look, with a much more sober make up and even beard. And, in particular, that I wanted to be more expressive than I have been in the last few years. Even though I initially thought of something more runway-ish, she seized the opportunity to shake me totally out of my polished Dandy character to turn me into a wild indie Mother Nature’s child, totally reinventing my look: shapeless jumper and huge woolen scarf combined with my black skinny jeans and shoes, wild hair, natural make up and there I was, a totally different version of myself directly out of Indie magazine.
That we’d blend the lines and bend the rules was something that showed from the very beginning, when we managed to pack a Canon and a Nikon camera in the same bag and ended up using both. For once, I gave up any directing pretence and just let Briar Rose shoot and direct me without interfering, totally relying on her. The set we chose was as harsh as my look, a small meadow with dry grass and brambles with a very sharp light that enhatched the general effect.
One notable thing is that the further we went with shooting, the more daring we got, so Briar Rose suggested that I tried to pose bare-chested and I agreed despite my general unease in doing so (she is the only one that succeded in getting me topless so far, and this is the second instance), another challenge I was willing to accept. And this is how this unusual (for me) photoshoot was born. I am very satisfied with the result, as it shows a totally different side of me. As Briar Rose said, though, I was not really “myself” yet, as I was showing a different character, an “IndieNarcissus” I stepped in the shoes of just for the photoshoot, but given my general lack of genuineness when I pose, it was a nice outcome anyways. Besides, I really liked the experiment and I really want to try again someday. Meanwhile, enjoy the photos (which I will be adding in the next days as I publish them on deviantART):

After The Rain

[ After The Rain - Katie Noonan & The Captains ]

When shooting in Stupinigi, I decided to leave the photos of Alessio and Giulia together as the last ones. Firstly beause Giulia was quite busy with Briar Rose on her own, secondly (and more importantly) becauese I wanted both to become more comfortable and confident with my new lens and have the models relax and be at their ease, so they could be the most natural and expressive they could in the photos. Thus, I waited till Briar Rose was done with Giulia and I had enough photos of Alessio alone before I had the two of them interacting in front of my own lens.
I must really thank both of them for just bringing all those emotions to life and being so natural and comfortable at posing together despite not knowing each other at all. This allowed me to focus on my own job and try ifferent techniques to catch exactly what they were showing, with amazing results: I think these are among the best portraits I’ve ever taken, in particular After The Rain.


Each shoot has a particular story of its own, so I recommend that you have a look at the deviantART pages if you’re curious. Meanwhile, I wish all of you a merry Christmas.