Sandman

“I spend these waking hours looking for the sandman.
I spend these waking hours looking for his master plan.
I’ll wait till morning, till he comes to my house,
And he’ll give no warning when he’s knocking me out, oh.

So sing me to sleep tonight, yeah,
And don’t bring me back to life.

I spend these waking hours looking for the sandman.
I spend these waking hours looking for his master plan.
He will be sorry when he comes to my house:
I’ll show no mercy till the lights go out, oh.

So sing me to sleep tonight, yeah,
And don’t bring me back to life.

We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.
We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.
We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.
We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.

So sing me to sleep tonight, yeah,
And don’t bring me back to life, yeah.

We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.
We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.
We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.
We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.”

[ Sandman – Hurts ]

Sandman is one of those Hurts song which I really, really like but never quite knew what to do with. On the one hand it’s weird, since I perceive the song as being about insomnia, which I can relate to. On the other, it may be because I’m Italian and the Sandman is a foreign mythological figure to me: so while I do understand the metaphor on an intellectual level as an adult, it doesn’t quite speak to me on that personal, visceral level as something from my childhood would.

With this in mind, I kind of always left this song shelved while focussing on other photos for the project, giving it a thought or two every now and again but without much luck. Concepts I considered included: two models – one being the Sandman and the other the speaker – interacting in an ambiguously flirty way, but then I thought it would be too much of a rehash of Cupid; a male model rolling in the sand by the beach or letting it flow through his fingers, but that sounded generic and not really relevant to the song; a male model in the sand with an horglass, basically a remake of a very old photo of mine, which sounded at least a bit mystical in theory but never totally convinced me. The idea of the hourglass, however, stuck to the back of my mind and came back in full force once I made up my mind at last.

 

The right visual cue I finally found on Tumblr in Riding Solo, an editorial by Garrett Naccarato which made an amazing use of grazing light to give just an impression of Thierry Marin’s jawline while leaving most of his features in deep shadows. I found that visually striking and thought it would work very well for my photo: having a human figure shrouded in mystery would leave the focus on the sandglass, whose shape would be very distinctive even with grazing light.

One thing I hadn’t accounted for, which I noticed while doing some light tests, was the sandglass being, well, a glass filled with shifting sand, duh. That meant the glass was full of microscopic scratches that would refract the light and illuminate the whole thing, which was even better for my concept. After the test shoots, all I had to do was trim my beard, wash and style my hair, paint my nails, and today I took the photo with some assistance from my mother.

So, while the concept is still quite loose, I decided to make up for it with strong visuals. This is pretty much the opposite of the approach I always had, especially at the beginning when strong visuals were out of my reach and I had to make up with solid concepts, but I considered an important learning experience: even thinking outside of my box, I managed to get a photo I love and am proud of.

Numb

“I breathe,
I breathe again.
My mind
Is set to ‘stun’ again
And ‘make you dull’ again.

Not all of my scars are visible,
Not all of my thoughts are pitiful.
My exaltation’s chemical, uh.
I know that I’m stuck inside a rut
But now that I’ve taken twice as much,
Oh, oh yeah,

I just feel nothing at all
And I’m not stopping till I detach from you.
I just feel nothing at all
And I’m not stopping till I detach from you, uh.
I’m numb.

I breathe,
I breathe again.
I need to find some release
Until the fever ends
And I slip away again.

Not all of my scars are visible,
Not all of my pain is physical.
This apathy is beautiful, uh.

I just feel nothing at all
And I’m not stopping till I detach from you.
I just feel nothing at all
And I’m not stopping till I detach from you.
I’m so numb.”

[ Numb – Hurts ]

Pretty much a counterpart to Somebody, Numb is another of my “revenge photoshoots” inspired by that same situation. Indeed, I applied the same rationale of going to the location where I had the last photoshoot with that specific person and build the image around that.

This time, you probably won’t recognise the place because that photoshoot I’m referencing was that person’s passion project and I let them publish it without bothering doing it myself; but if you have figured out whom I’m referring to, you can check their Instagram and recognise the very distinctive rocks in the background.

On a little tangent, that specific photoshoot does make me angry in retrospect because the person had just arrived in town after two flights, but they weren’t too tired to go shooting their passion project straightaway, while one of the excuses to dodge the rescheduling of Stay was they had a pleasure boat cruise in the morning and that would make them too tired to shoot in the afternoon. Like, seriously? A-are you for real?

Moving on, Numb is almost industrial in sound, with an obsessive beat and prominent rough-sounding synths. One reason why I decided to reference that shoot was the terrain would provide a nice visual link to the music, with the multiple segments recalling the beat and the bare rocks the texture of the instruments. Also, the song feels very dynamic, which the natural diagonal lines would easily convey.

The only problem with that location is that I envisioned a diffused light, so I had to wait for the perfect day to shoot, namely cloudy but without too much wind. The reason you can guess looking at Storm’s End: when the weather is too bad, the waves completely leap over the rocks, so I would have caught a cold and destroyed my camera in the process. Speaking of Storm’s End, yeah, the photoshoot with my former friend and the ensuing disappointment are what I was obliquely referring to with the title and in the description, but getting closure is still a work in progress on my part.

As for the modelling, I kind of immediately figured I’d be holding a knife in it and be ambiguous about its purpose: might be an embodiment of the pain the protagonist went through, an item to cut the person off, a toy to play with because the numbness won’t make him feel any pain, or maybe I’m just about to jump off the photo and cut some bitch. I also considered but eventually decided against including blood because, that way, whatever wound would be invisible and metaphorical as in the lyrics.

The pose was very uncomfortable because there was basically no room for my legs and I had to keep them at a weird angle, which made me look unsettled but, against all odds, contributed to the dynamism of the image, as did the impromptu coiffure a gust of wind gave me. I’m particularly proud of that because, while most of the photo was carefully planned down to what kind of monochrome I would turn it to and what light would make it look its best, I managed to make those little unplanned details work in favour of the shoot.

And in many ways, that’s the very basis of this photo: I took a situation that kept bogging the Inspiration Hurts project down until it reached a boiling point and escalated outside of photography, and used it to fuel the project itself. I don’t know if I would have come up as easily with concepts for Somebody and Numb if I hadn’t had all this shade to serve.

That is not to say I’m thankful to that person, though. Even outside of my petty squabble, there’s one thing I want to say: never be thankful to the people who hurt you. You haven’t grown up thanks to that pain, you did despite it. They have no business flattering themselves by taking any credits for it.

Fractured

“I’m a typical
Hypocritical,
Egotistical-minded
Individual.
I’m a silent fuse,
I’m a tightening screw
And I might be everything
That is wrong for you.

Because I’m fractured:
Get your hands off me!
Because I’m fractured:
Get your hands off me!
Because I’m fractured:
Get your hands off me!
Get your hands off me!

I’m a cynical,
Analytical,
Apocalyptical-minded
Individual.
I’m a twisted wheel,
An Achilles’ heel
And I can’t communicate
Anything I feel.

Why?

Because I’m fractured:
Get your hands off me!
Because I’m fractured:
Get your hands off me!
Because I’m fractured:
Get your hands off me!
Get your hands off me!

Fractured,
Because I’m fra—”

[ Fractured – Hurts ]

Actually, this is the first photo from the Faith batch of the Inspiration Hurts project that I conceptualised. It’s a very distinctive song, with its experimental feel, immediate visual motives, super-relatable lyrics and… well, full-blown weirdness, in a good sense. It’s almost rapped, except half of it is whispered and the other is downright spit with contempt. God, I missed Hurts at their best.

So yeah, this is a photo that was practically taking itself from the get go: a dirty, cracked glass, and each piece shows a different reflection or scene, all in a different state of neurotic meltdown. Something unpretty and experimental to go along with the music of the song, while providing an immediate link with the imagery in the lyrics.

Shooting the photos was pretty quick and easy: I did it in the same session as Voices, being careful to have the same light and, especially, focal distance so that I would be the same size on each piece of the “puzzle”. Beside being the quickest and easiest solution, I wanted to model myself because I can absolutely relate with this song.

The biggest load of work was definitely postproduction: I started by working on the cracks, which I drew myself (I’m trying to avoid unnecessary outings due to the pandemics, so there was no way I would hunt the city for a broken window or something), then I preemptively shaped all the masks on solid colour layers so it would be easier to insert the individual photos, added each self-portrait, beauty-retouched each of them on the spot, made sure the composition made sense, turned it monochromatic and added the dirty glass texture for a more photorealistic effect. It took me about one whole evening, but it’s one of those graphic projects that relax me while keeping me challenged at the same time, so I actually had a lot of fun.

I’ve got another couple of photos that I can do quickly and easily now before Faith hits the “I need a couple modelling for me” standstill that has swamped the previous three albums. I think I’ll try to take them in the coming weeks while still high on inspiration from the recent album release, then we’ll see where these crazy times take us.

Stay safe, everybody.

Voices

“Say my name
And save me once again,
Just say my name.
Too far gone,
Is this where I belong?
Am I too far gone?

I can hear them in my head and I,
I can hear them and I wanna get ‘em out.
I can hear them in my head
Getting louder now.

So endlessly
These voices keep on calling me to rise,
These voices keep on praying for me,
These voices keep on praying for me:
I can’t stop them now.

Each step I take
I make the same mistake,
But they scream my name.
And I know it’s wrong
To keep marching on and on,
But I’m too far gone.

I can hear them in my head and I,
I can hear them and I wanna get ‘em out.
I can hear them in my head
Getting louder now.

So endlessly
These voices keep on calling me to rise,
These voices keep on praying for me,
These voices keep on praying for me:
I can’t stop them now.

I keep hearing them,
Hearing them come,
Hearing them voices.
I keep hearing them,
Hearing them come,
Hearing them voices.

I heard them say,
I heard them say,
I can’t stop them now.
I can hear them in my head and I,
I can’t stop them now,
I can hear them and I wanna get ‘em out.
I can hear them in my head
Getting louder now.

So endlessly
These voices keep on calling me to rise,
They keep on calling me, yeah.
These voices keep on praying for me,
These voices keep on praying for me:
I can’t stop them now,
I can’t stop them now.”

[ Voices – Hurts ]

To put it mildly, I wasn’t very impressed the first time I listened to Voices. Coming off the heels of the huge personal disappointment that was Desire, an album so bland and generic that any lesser band could have recorded, the funky rhythm and acoustic guitar of this song’s intro made me worry that the previous album wouldn’t be an unfortunate yet isolated misstep, but the new standard for an insipid musical production by a band that once left one of the biggest marks on my own artistry (though admittedly, I still thought Voices was better than anything on Desire). And honestly, I have no plans to adapt any songs on Desire into photos for the time being: I might after I’m done with everything else on Hurt’s catalogue, but I’m definitely in no hurry. So yeah, I was worried for the future of the project.

Thankfully, upon release Faith has proven a full return to form (even to pre-Surrender standards, at that) and I immediately started mining it for inspiration. Even Voices itself has grown on me with a few spins, and the lyrics have provided me with enough material to start working on a visual rendition.

Now, admittedly, “voices” might not be the easiest concept to represent visually, but since the lyrics specify they are prayers, I decided to use a multitude of hands encircling the main character in the photo, some joint in prayer, some bearing offerings such as candles, some just reaching out. Since the song is ambivalent on whether those voices are good or not, if their uplift is welcome or not, I decided the situation with the hands in my photo, too, would be ambiguous: are they helpful? Are they trying to save the main character? Are they pulling him apart? I leave it open for the viewer to decide.

On a production note, all the hands are obviously my own because, after a new surge in covid cases in my area, I’m back to stricter social distancing and would rather avoid shooting with other people. I tried as many different angles and poses as possible to give the photo the visual equivalent of a crowded, nosy space with many different pitches and words all spoken all at once.

As for general aesthetics, beside using dramatic lighting I went quasi-monochromatic because it’s the prevalent aesthetic for this Hurts era, and chunked up the grain and scratches as a homage to the grittiness of the lyric video for the song.

I’m already working on the next Inspiration Hurts photo, which I shot in the same session as Voices, and another one is coming as soon as possible. I’m really glad for this inspiration spree and I’ll try to milk it as much as I can.

Somebody

“I am not a victim, I’m not a fool,
I am not a pawn to be abused.
It was never real, it was never love
And I’ve had enough.
I don’t wanna listen, I don’t wanna try
‘Cause you that know that I’ll never miss you or the way you lie.
I don’t wanna listen, I don’t wanna stay,
But I finally got the strength in me to say,

I’m gonna find somebody
To treat me better than you.
Gonna find somebody
To treat me better than you,
Treat me better than…
I’m sick and tired of the things you’ve done, but
You won’t be laughing when I find someone,
Somebody
To treat me better than you,
Treat me better than…

You think you’re funny, I’m not amused.
You will never win, I’ll never lose.
‘Cause now I’m better
In spite of you, in spite of you.
Now you wanna listen, now you wanna try,
But you know that it’s too late to apologise.
So just think about me, what you wanna say
As you stand alone and watch me walk away.

I’m gonna find somebody
To treat me better than you.
Gonna find somebody
To treat me better than you,
Treat me better than…
I’m sick and tired of the things you’ve done, but
You won’t be laughing when I find someone,
Somebody
To treat me better than you.

Somebody that ain’t like, ain’t like you,
Somebody that ain’t like you.
Somebody that ain’t like, ain’t like you,
Somebody that ain’t like you.
Treat me better than…
Somebody that ain’t like, ain’t like you,
Somebody that ain’t like you.”

[ Somebody – Hurts ]

Well, long time no see.
After the huge disappointment that was Desire, Hurts have come back with the much better, much more inspiring Faith… a good 60% of which are post-break up songs along the lines of “It’s not me, it’s you. Bitch.”.
Considering that Stay, a photo from the Inspiration Hurts project, was the casus belli that derailed a certain friendship I’m still quite rancorous about, I’ve decided I’m not only gonna roll with it, I’m milking it for all its worth without even bothering with subtlety! It’s a sign, it’s made for me, for my project to go on in spite of that particular incident and all the others before (looking at you, Wonderful Life and some other seven photos from this projects that have been on hold because of that certain person)!

Somebody is the first new song I’m adapting into a photo for pragmatic reasons: it’s already October, the weather has been getting worse and worse, and with my having to be half in water it’s basically now or next year. Which honestly, thanks but no thanks: this project needs to be much more veni, vidi, vici from now on, anything I can do now I’m gonna do now.
There are other songs from Faith that have given me more concrete imagery to base photos off, so I decided to use the freedom Somebody allows me to go fully self-referential. Besides taking a clue from Theo’s jerking dance moves in the video, which would look kinda amazing in the water, I decided to go shoot at the very same location where I shot the last photo I published with the person I’m throwing shade at, dressed in similar colours, from a similar angle, with similar light conditions, and I even used the same colour filter in postproduction. It’s literally me replacing them in the photo, only this time it’s inspired by a song that literally says they’re gonna be replaced with someone better, and having a damn good time with it.
I’m not gonna name names, but if you scroll through my gallery and look at one of my latest portraits by the sea, you’ll recognise the shape of the rocks.

On a side note, the music video for Somebody features multiple shots of flamingos and a vulture eating from a skull, while the single artwork and video thumbnail for the song are close-ups of a flamingo. Since I was lucky enough to have a couple of cormorants hanging around, I decided to incorporate them into the photo as a nod to the original visuals.
Also, the beautiful t-shirt I’m wearing is an original design by my friends at Kingyo Sukui: check them out, they’ve got some amazing merch!

I mentioned I’ll try to speed up things with the Inspiration Hurts series and I’ve already planned many new photos from Faith. I’m probably influenced by the DIY aestehtics of the album cover and promo photos (many of which were takend by Adam and Theo themselves during lockdown), so a lot of ideas are studio self-portraits which I’ll be able to take quickly, most likely in a couple of weeks, after I get a haircut. Wouldn’t want to let that perfect haistyle go to waste, would we?

Venus

Venus, the planet of love, beauty, pleasure, indulgence and wealth.

The fourth Personal Planet, it represents the approach to relationships and leisure, as well as attraction and the spending of money. It also represents self-indulgence, shallowness and self-centredness to watch out for.

Ruler of Taurus and Libra, it has its exaltation in Pisces, fall in Virgo, detriment in Aries and Scorpio.

Its glyph represents Aphrodite’s hand mirror, and its meaning is Spirit presiding over Matter.

Here we go: my first photo which is not a self-portrait since last November and, more importantly, since the pandemic begun. We’ve seemingly entered a lull between waves and I thought it’d be a safe enough moment to try and make something different.

So, this is an allegory of the significance of Venus in astrology and totally not the first entry of yet another long-term series by the title of Wandering Stars.

 

When I say I’ve been planning this project for about two years, this photo and the hopefully upcoming Mercury are what I’m referring to: they’re the first concepts I came up with for what could become an entire series of artworks, and some ideas and material I gathered for them date back to two years ago.

The reasons why I didn’t move sooner are many, some valid and some less so: fresh trauma, for one, and my unwillingness to “bother” my model for yet another cooky project of mine; my choice of model, Edoardo (Rosiel from the Infernal Lords), whose long, blond locks make him the perfect male Venus, but who currently lives in Sardinia, which leaves me with a narrow window of time to shoot in-between the summer heat and my departure back to Trieste; some technical challenges, such as working with back light, which I didn’t feel ready to tackle yet; and finally, the Margaery Tyrell hairdo I wanted him to wear, which I wasn’t sure I’d be able to pull off decently. Last but not least, I was half-hoping to complete the Infernal Lords before starting another project which, in many ways, would be similar, but then 2020 happened and… well, I have no idea whatsoever of what’s going to happen in general, let alone when I’ll be able to shoot Lucifer.

But Venus I could shoot. And actually, it was all the projects I had to put on hold indefinitely because of covid that made me decide I might as well seize the chance and do it now: I’m in Sardinia for the foreseeable future, so is Edoardo, his hair is the perfect length and colour for it, so why not? The recent news of astronomers finding phosphine (a potential biomarker) in Venus’ atmosphere was the final nudge I needed to call Edoardo and schedule a shoot.

 

Now, while I’m not yet 100% set on general aesthetics for the project as a whole, using back light on both inferior planets – a technical term that designates Mercury and Venus, the two planets whose orbit lies within the Earth’s – for astronomical accuracy’s sake was always my intent: since we can only ever see them in the general direction of the Sun, it’s only fitting that their anthropomorphic allegories would be backlit. Luckily, there is a nice stairway facing west near my home, which offers a largely unobstructed view of the setting Sun and would provide a perfect way around my studio lights being currently in Trieste.

With that out of the way, I studied Loepsie’s tutorial for the Margaery Tyrell hairdo and, while unable to practice beforehand, I was able to follow it to a satisfactory degree once Edoardo was at my place, thus killing my other big doubt about the whole thing.

I knew Edoardo would be down for some interesting styling and have the material to pull it off, and when he suggested that star-studded lace top I immediately and enthusiastically accepted: it was perfect for a male version of Venus!

The shoot itself was quick and painless, the worst nuisance being the wind moving my reflecting panel, which I had to juggle with one hand while shooting with the other. Other than that, Edoardo channelled his inner Minako Aino and barely needed any direction: he’s always the best at this kind of things!

As for symbolism, I played up the beauty and indulgence part, including a hand mirror as a nod to the glyph of the Planet. The halo (of course there had to be one) is a crescent because we can only ever see Venus in waxing or waining phase (when it’s full it’s directly behind the Sun) and it’s at its brightest when it’s only a narrow crescent because that’s when it’s closest to the Earth.

Also, the little bright dot in the reflection in the mirror? That’s Venus! I checked its position and got up in the middle of the night to shoot it with my telephoto lens and add it as an easter egg. I felt it would be funny to do so, rather than just draw it in Photoshop.

So there you have it. No promises as to when this will become an actual series, but I seized the moment and took a photo I’d been aching to take for quite some time without overthinking it and worrying about whatnot. I should do that more often. In fact, I will try to do that more often!

Gloomy Sunday

[ Gloomy Sunday – Hurts ]

Not to be confused with either Sunday or the infamous Hungarian Suicide Song, Gloomy Sunday was the title of a short instrumental piece for string quartet that Hurts used to play as an interlude in-between the main set and the encore during the Happiness tour. Theo and Adam would go backstage and the quartet would play while two ballerinas would do a coreography until the main duo were back for the next song. It’s featured, for instance, in the Live in Berlin bonus DVD of the deluxe edition of Happiness.

For a piece of music so obscure it makes the likes of Once and Locked Out Of Heaven look basically official in the Hurts discography, you’d expect me to leave it alone and forget about it, but nope. Firstly because I gave even the Intro of that concet the photo treatment, and secondly because Gloomy Sunday is quite a beautiful, atmospheric and inspiring piece on its own. You listen to it and you can totally feel the ennui rising up.

Well, obscure or not, this song has been around for the better part of a decade, and yet I haven’t done anything with it in the past eight-ish years or so – though weirdly enough for this project, this time it’s my own fault. Aside from being adamant about shooting and publishing it on an actual Sunday, I had half a mind of tributing the ballerina set with some black tulle and feathers, a heavy, scaly make up to recall the Black Swan, and red ribbons like those the ballerina used in their dance. Also, I wanted it to be set in a real room, with furniture and other things that would ground it in an everyday ambiance rather than looking like an abstract studio backdrop. All in all, though, the overall idea didn’t feel quite right. Maybe it was overly complicated and still too vague, maybe it wouldn’t turn out visually striking enouhg, but I wasn’t 100% on board with it.

Sunday after Sunday have passed, a new decade has begun, until two things happened in the past couple of weeks: first, I found out just how good the light is in my mother’s sitting room while shooting an unrelated project (which I’ll have to keep under wrap for a while longer); then, I was given that lovely brass calendar, which I immediately thought would look very cool on some photograph.

Now, Gloomy Sunday: a calendar would recall the “day of the week” motif, with the sun embossed on this one tying it to Sunday specifically, so that photo in which I’d feature it might as well be Gloomy Sunday. Also, the “grounded in a real room” theme was pretty much the only other thing I felt like salvaging from the original idea, and I had that part cover. All I had to do was give in to the music and try to recreate its atmosphere through my modelling first and postproduction then, and at long last I had something to work with and take this photo.

Perhaps not the top priority in the grand scheme of the project (Better Than Love is still sorely missing, for instance), but I’m glad I got to give some love to this little forgotten song, and I’m very pleased with the image itself, so here we go.