Saturn

Saturn, the planet of order, limits, boundaries, obstacles and responsibilities.

The second (and last) Social Planet, it represents all the external forces, hardships and authority figures that shape the character and help bring discipline and maturity. It also represents the fears and blockages to overcome in order to find stability.

Ruler of Capricorn and Aquarius, it has its exaltation in Libra, fall in Aries, detriment in Cancer and Leo.

Its glyph represents Cronus’ scythe, and its meaning is Matter ruling over Soul.

The third entry of my Wandering Stars project posed an interesting challenge to me: finding a scythe to use as a prop. The scythe is an integral part of Cronus/Saturn’s iconography – it’s the tool he used to castrate and defeat Uranus – and it’s even represented in its glyph. Now, originally it was probably sickle, not a scythe, but centuries of conflation of Cronus and Chronos, which eventually resulted in the iconography of Father Time first and the Grim Reaper later, cemented the association of Saturn with the larger scythe, which I decided to use; besides, the smaller sickle is the glyph of Ceres, so I’m saving it for that photo.

Now that I decided the entire project would be backlit and not only the Inferior Planets, finding a scythe was pivotal, as adding anything digitally on a backlit photo is tricky and risks compromising the photorealism. Besides, it had to be a real one, as Halloween props and plastic things look aggressively fake and cheap.

So yeah, for once the difficulties in this photo were not self-imposed or an attempt at self-sabotaging, but a necessity – true to the planet I was going to represent. The good news was, I had chosen a friend in Sardinia as the model for Saturn, and Sardinia has plenty of rural communities that would make it more likely to find such an iconic agricultural tool.

In an ironic twist of fate – in that Saturn represents authority figures and father figures in particular – the answer to my conundrum came from my own father: I asked him if he or anyone in his hamlet had a scythe, and lo and behold, he found one at my cousin’s. This is interesting in that it’s the second or third time in fifteen years that he’s contributed in any meaningful way to my photography – the first being when he bought me my first compact camera at age fifteen, before I even started doing this, and the second when he drove me to the Seredda casa cantoniera and cut down some canes to give me a better view for the photo.

It took him a while to retrieve it, but when he did I contacted my friend Shinigo, scheduled the shoot and had the scythe brought to me – finding out it was basically antique with a beautifully rusty blade and a textured wooden handle that would look better than any modern tool on camera.

Styling-wise, Saturn is, along with Jupiter, one of the “adult” planets, which is why I wanted them to be wearing semi-formal attire with blazers or jackets. I wanted to differentiate the two, so when Shinigo told me he had a grey blazer to be worn with a black turtleneck I was enthusiastic, as that meant I could easily have Jupiter in a black jacket and white shirt to look distinct enough. A little detail I added last-minute was the black nail polish because let’s be real, Saturn is the corporate goth of the astrological Planets, it fit perfectly.

The shoot itself wasn’t difficult – my biggest concern was parading near the local police station with a huge blade on a stick to get on location – but luckily we didn’t get arrested, nor did anyone get killed, maimed or contracted tetanus from the rusty blade. We had to slightly change location compared to Venus or Mercury because the sun now starts descending further south and I’d have too much clutter in the background, but the new location gave us a nice support to the scythe, which Shinigo could wield more easily and less tensely. He nailed the pose pretty much since the first moment, and most of the takes were me moving around to get the best flare behind him.

In postproduction, I obviously opted for purple as the main colour because, once again, that’s Sailor Saturn’s theme colour. As the original background wasn’t completely blank this time, I decided to leave the tiniest hint of it in the lower corners to texturise a bit the photo. I also decided to leave the golden hue of the light to give more chromatic dynamism to the image. Since we’re now officially doing the halo thing because I can’t help myself, I positioned Saturn’s in a way that’s reminescent of the planet’s rings to give it a bit of astronomical connection too.

And here we are. I’m extremely satisfied with the final result and, much like Saturn’s astrological symbolism, all the roadblocks and challenges ended up shaping the photo for the best.

There are no immediate plans for other Wandering Stars at the moment because I don’t quite know what my life plans are in the short term, but I’ll surely be back in Trieste scouting for oak leaves for Jupiter in the spring. In the meantime, I’m glad this project is shaping up with its distinctive aesthetics. I’m really glad I’ve started working on it.

Darkest Hour

“Hold on,
I’ll be home soon
‘Cause I know
There’s nothing more that you can do –

When suddenly, it all fades to black,
Suddenly, it all goes away,
Suddenly, you’re on your own
And struggling to breathe again.
I know it isn’t easy for you,
Knowing there’s a war in your head,
Knowing that your body isn’t
Strong enough to reach for help.

But in your darkest hour
I will the light the way,
I will help you cope
Through the hardest days.
When it all breaks down
I will keep you safe,
In your darkest hour
I will light the way.

So hold on
With all that you have left.
We can take it step by step:
Just do your best, acquiesce.

‘Cause everybody looks just like you
But they can never know how it feels,
They can never know of all the suffering
That you conceal.
How did it end up this way?
How much more can you take?
Will you ever find the strength
To get back on your feet again?

But in your darkest hour
I will light the way,
I will help you cope
Through the hardest days.
When it all breaks down,
I will keep you safe,
In your darkest hour
I will light the way.

So hold on
In your darkest hour,
In your darkest hour,
Just hold on,
Hold on.

In your darkest hour
I will light the way,
I will help you cope
Through the hardest days.
When it all breaks down
I’ll keep you safe,
In your darkest hour
I will light the way.”

[ Darkest Hour – Hurts ]

Yeah, well. Remember all my high proclamations of never ever saving another photo from the Inspiration Hurts project for close friends ever again, to stop taking photos that double as tokens of affection, love is weakness, I’m Regina the Evil Queen, and all of that? I can’t. I mean, I tried. I… okay, let’s rewind.

Look, my dear friend Luisa just happened to be in town specifically to model for me – yeah, imagine that – and since there was her, and there was me, and this photo needed two people to tango, I decided to throw it into our session. Seize the moment, now or never, all that staff. It just so happens that the song it’s inspired by is also very appropriate for the two of us, and that’s a nice bonus that… okay, no.

Really, I just wanted Luisa to be in this photo, and she just happens to actually be a good friend who cares about this stuff.

Luisa and I go back over a decade. We’ve both been through some darkness and, even though we’re not the most talkative of people, we’ve always been there for each other if need be – basically, this song works both ways for us. Besides, she is the one who introduced me to Hurts’ music in the first place by suggesting the concept for Evelyn, so this song and the related photo just had to be ours.

Also – did I mention it already? – a very good friend of mine comes to Sardinia not just to mind her own business but actually to take photos with me, and we end up taking an Inspiration Hurts photo that doubles as a token of affection and a symbol of how much we care for each other, and we actually go through with it, and she doesn’t even have to manipulate or gaslight her way out of it – I mean, could I ever in a million years pass on such a chance to stick it to a certain someone? Of course not, I’m just that petty.

Speaking of petty, if this composition reminds you of a certain other photo from the Inspiration Hurts project, one from a song that’s all about “please save it and get lost”, one which has aged better than the finest vintage you’ll ever drink like I’m a goddamn prophet or something… yeah, that’s deliberate – that’s literally the entire concept.

I took the basic premise of that photo – boy and girl, he to the left and she to the right, sitting and looking out to the sea – and flipped everything else: this one is in colour instead of monochromatic, the sky is clear instead of heavily clouded, the image is sharp instead of grainy, and we’re touching instead of just sitting there side by side contemplating the silent yet inevitable demise of our relationship before one of us walks away, and it’s closely framed around us rather than being wide and including lots of background.

I really wanted to mirror that photo to hopefully make another “prophecy”, that Luisa and I will weather the darkest hours silently having each other’s back, and that brighter times will finally come.

Because there are people in my life who do deserve photos that double as tokens of affection, goddamnit. (Just so you know it, I still hold a grudge for things that went down on my seventh birthday, so no, there’s no chance I’m going to drop this anytime soon.)

 

Now, to be completely honest, you can tell that my last bad experience shooting in Sardinia with friends from elsewhere still seriously haunts me way beyond the occasional snark by the fact that I sort of felt guilty to bring up my own personal project while I was working at our joint one. Aptly, this is the very last photo we took, and initially I was even trying to take it in full daylight as not to inconvenience Luisa with having to wait for sunset on the evening before her departure, in case she wanted to rest. When it became clear that wasn’t working and I would not be able to postproduce my way out of those light conditions to achieve what I had in mind, Luisa herself was the one to suggest we’d come down at a proper hour and take the photo the way it was meant to be – again, imagine that. It was a very nice way to end our four-day photoshoot, and one which made me feel appreciated. It’s another step in the direction of rebuilding the trust in people who agree to help me with my own passion projects.

So here we are, sitting side by side, watching together as the sun rises and puts an end to our darkest hour, all with those real-life undertones that will make me cherish this photo way beyond its artistic merits.

Thank you, Luisa, for believing in me and making art with me.

Wings

“When you find me free falling out of the sky
And I’m spiralling out of control,
When I drop like a cannonball from cloud nine,
Just promise you won’t let me go.

Say you’ll catch me when I fall,
Wrap your wings around my body
When I’m lost in the storm
And I’m calling.

Wrap your wings around my body,
Wrap your wings around my body.
Wrap your wings, wrap your wings,
Wrap your wings around my body.

When we stood on the skyline there was no turning back
And you said not to stare at the ground.
There’s a hole in my parachute as big as my heart
And the gravity’s pulling me down.

Will you catch me when I fall,
Wrap your wings around my body
When I’m lost in the storm
And I’m calling?

Wrap your wings around my body,
Wrap your wings around my body.
Wrap your wings, wrap your wings,
Wrap your wings around my body.

We’re flying above the valley below,
We’re flying above the valley below.
We’re flying above the valley below,
We’re flying above the valley below.

Wrap your wings around my body,
Wrap your wings around my body.
Wrap your wings, wrap your wings,
Wrap your wings around my body.”

[ Wings – Hurts ]

My oldest notes about a concept for Wings read as follow: “She embraces her / him from behind; the arms are wrapped in flowy fabric, floating in the wind like wings”.

Wow. Boooo-ring.
Basically, I was just going to rip off Wonderful Life, but at a closer range and with floaty sleeves. Did I say, boring?

That’s one of the reasons I never quite did anything with Wings, besides the fixation that there had to be a real-life couple for sentiment and blah blah blah. That is, until mid-2019, when  I was browsing DeviantArt for witchcraft-themed photos for a feature journal and I came across Dark Water Witch by Anndr and Kabarsa. Visually striking, extremely evocative and… wait, that’s a really great idea!

What if I still had a couple, alright, but with an “angel girl” archetype of courtly poetry inspiration who’s actually down below, waiting to catch and save the boy falling from up above? Play with perspective, shoot them both separately, then flip the photo of him and mash the two images together. That’s much more visually striking than just “upright spooning with floaty fabric”.

 

At this point, my mindset was still set on “romance”, so I was still expecting to cast a real-life couple for the photo. One potential occasion I considered to take Wings was the photoshoot for Stay with Loli and Nicola, but Stay was draining enough on its own given its history, plus there was not a breath of wind in for the sleeves that day, so I gave that up. Then I was all out of couples for the next few months until, y’know, 2020 happened, which made me bury and forget this photo for a while.

Including Wings into the session with Luisa was an almost last-minute decision which, given the themes of other photos such as La Cura, I’m actually surprised I didn’t take sooner. Perhaps because I was so fixated on the romantic undertones of the song that I totally overlooked it could very well also apply to friendship. Me and a friend and my camera were a perfect fit for this photo.

Now, I knew all along that going from concept to finished piece was going to be challenging. It required two separate portraits with compatible light, enough room to make a really wide image, and an inordinate amount of editing.

I shot Luisa’s portrait first, squeezing it in-between Wave Your Flags and Glorious in a moment when the clouds got thicker and, thus, the light was at its most neutral, and then, locking the focus to have the correct depth of field, I took several shots of the background so I wouldn’t have space problems composing a panoramic picture if I had to make the image wider to fit my full figure, or even tweaking her pose according to my position if necessary.

As we were on a tight schedule with our main project, I left my own portrait for another time, which was actually a few days after Luisa even left, when I got similar light conditions to that evening. In theory, if I were falling from the sky, I would be shot slightly from below, so I set the camera on a higher position than I’d be so the downwards perspective would turn upwards in the rotated image. I also chose a light concrete setting, which would be easier to edit out of the final image against a cloudy sky. With my mother’s assistance, I took several shots while jumping to give momentum to my legs and not have my feet flat on the soil, until I was satisfied with one of the takes.

Finally, I shot the sky so I could fill in the originally horizontal picture of Luisa and turn it vertical to accomodate me.

I did the postproduction live on Discord with my best friend, who’s a paintress and could give me some advice about the relative proportions and positions of the two figures, to make sure everything clicked together. As expected, I ended up widening the background in Luisa’s photo, then added the sky to make the image vertical, and finally positioned my photo according to Luisa’s. There was also some tweaking of our poses, for which the separate backgrounds were helpful, but the bulk of the work was just to edit our the concrete around me, half of which I accomplished simply by subtracting all the black selectively from the white channels. Then a little colour filtering to make the image look prettier and ta-dah!

Now, this is one of those cases in which the final work lies halfway between actual photograph and photomanipulation. In this cases, when you’re taking a photo of something that’s not entirely there, planning ahead is vital. You need a clear final image in mind in order to take all the photos as matching as possible, and it’s also important to make a mental map of everything you might need for the final image, such as extra background shots, in order to make them as compatible as possible and make the editing process easier and the final result more photorealistic.

It is a challenge, but one that’ll leave you fulfilled and satisfied in the end.

Glorious

“Glorious!

There’s a place I go,
A place I always stand alone
And need no witness to my throne.
Here I say my piece
And have no need to be believed:
The bridge I build will carry me
Beyond the creatures of your sea.

Glorious, pure-insular,
The very first to draw the air
And touch the earth, I built it there.
Oh glorious, glorious, ooh!

Here I win my day,
I make my kill upon the grave
And need no hero to be saved.
Here the light still shines
Despite the odds and all the time,
Despite the Gods and their design.

Glorious, pure-insular,
The very first to draw the air
And touch the earth, I built it there.
Oh glorious, glorious, ooh!
Glorious, pure-insular,
The very first to draw the air
And touch the earth, I built it there.
Oh glorious, glorious, ooh!”

[ Glorious – Phildel ]

Glorious was probably the first concept from the Wave Your Flags series I came up with, before even thinking of making an entire series (though I had the feeling Luisa would agree to one). The first few seconds of the song are already so powerful and evocative that I had the full-blown image in my head (minus a couple of details), just waiting to be taken.

It also probably helped that the breathtaking aesthetics of Aurora Consurgens by my dear friend ContessaNera were ingrained in my memories, only for the song to bring them up again and influence my own photo. Beside Veronica’s work, I also drew inspiration from the Phidias’ Athena Parthenos, a (now lost) sculpture of triumphant goddess Athena holding Nike, the Winged Victory, in the palm of her hand.

And thus, the idea of Luisa holding the statuette of an eagle with its wings spread, looking triumphant against a strong light source, was born.

The styling was easy too: once we started talking about the project more concretely, I chose this dress for its metallic sequins, which would provide texture and highlights to the backlit silhouette of the dark fabric. In that regard, the sheer fabric also allowed for the breeze to give volume to the skirt and floaty sleeves, which added movement to the otherwise solemn photo.

On a side note, this photo was once again taken atop the Electric Heights stairway, the same place where I shot the Wandering Stars photos. As my light equipment is in Trieste, I had to make do with natural light, and in the afternoon that place gives a beautiful, mostly unobstructed view of the sun setting towards the sea, so the background turns out perfectly white with the sun providing the necessary back-light.

Once the photo was done, I asked Veronica for advice on how to best include sun rays in postproduction to give it that “glorious” feel.

On a total side note, the eagle statuette we used was a career accolade my maternal grandfather had earned, which was passed down to my mother. I’m glad I could include a piece of my family history into one of my works.

And this wraps up the Wave Your Flags series. I am very satisfied with this project, both for the actual photos themselves, the final works, turned out, and also how we worked while making them. We were well-organised, our schedule was tight but took full advantage of the locations so that we wouldn’t have to take too many (or too long) trips in-between shoots, and we managed to work around or push through some unexpected circumstances that came up along the way, all the while also throwing in a few photos for different projects while we were at that.

Thank you all so much for the warm reception you’ve given this project. A huge thanks to Phildel, who has kindly shared some of our photos and was super supportive of our efforts to turn her music into image. It’s always amazingly rewarding when the artists who inspire my photos find something of their work reflected back from mine.

Floods

“Through the years we’ve travelled, you and me,
Through the seasons, solar systems.
I’ve never kept such faithful company,
I always knew you’d go the distance.

Bring your flood to me, my friend, I need you.
Bring your flood to me, my friend, I need you.
Bring your flood to me, my friend, I need you.
Bring your flood to me, my friend, I need you.

You became a colour I could see,
Flashing through each pure emotion.
You became the mark of what it means
To say a prayer with pure devotion.

Bring your flood to me, my friend, I need you.
Bring your flood to me, my friend, I need you.
Bring your flood to me, my friend, I need you.
Bring your flood to me, my friend, I need you.”

[ Floods – Phildel ]

Floods presented me with a little series of challenges ever since I started conceptualising it. First of all, it’s the third song in the album with a sea-oriented metaphor, which required me to think of all three photos simultaneously so that I could make them different. Second, the concepts for Wild Sea and, to a lesser extent, A Great Wave were a bit up in the air until I could have reliable weather forecasts, so that in turn led me to leave Floods open. Third, my original concept required for Luisa to actually be in the water, which in turn required me to schedule it so that it wouldn’t affect the other photos. And finally, when that became unfeasible (for very real and objectively hindering reasons, unlike someone I may think of), I had to rework the concept around that so it’d still make sense (though it made scheduling easier).

With the sea in Wild Sea representing the inner world and the wave in A Great Wave some anxiety or insecurity to be saved from, the flood in Floods represents the affection and support of a friend which the protagonist is longing for. The new concept thus called for Luisa to reach for the incoming water filling a dry-ish patch of rocks, giving a sense of longing for the titular flooding.

Luckily, by this point I was already sure that the weather would cooperate, the sea be wavy enough for the concept to work, and the light be soft enough to give it a pictorial look without sharp patches of light and strong shades.

There were some challenges in positioning Luisa so that she wouldn’t be too uncomfortable (the operational word being “too”), avoid her scratching herself on the rocks, getting wet from the foam and so on, but in the end we pulled it of and Luisa didn’t complain once, unlike certain so-called “professionals”.

Also of note is that both this and the place where we shot A Great Wave are very public and relatively busy beaches (less so since covid, but there were still people here), so I also had to work around people a little, which fortunately I did without having to murder and then hide anyone in postproduction.

Visually, I used a slightly downward-facing perspective so either the sea or the rocks would fill the entire background. I also deliberately left just a hint of rocks at the very edge on top to give a sense of water flooding an enclosure of sorts, as opposed to open sea. I also gave a strong bluish wash to the highlights and a purplish one to the shadows so that the contrast between the sea and the rocks would be heightened.

On a side note, I’m particularly shady on this post because it offered me a direct contrast to that certain thing that happened three years ago, which affected even the photos that we did manage to take. There were setbacks to work around, there were difficulties and uncomfort to pull through, but we were all committed to the project (me, my model, and even my mother who was there to assist us) so we just did it, and we created yet another artwork we are all proud of!
And for that I’m forever thankful to my team. I can actually look at the lyrics of this song and sing them to Luisa for what she did here to help me restore my confidence in teamwork when the photos put us in less than pristinely smooth situations.

A Great Wave

“The Moon is shifting its shape.
I’m under a great wave.
All the sea bearing down on me,
This is where I would stay to breathe.

But your love,
But your love took me out of the water.
But your love, love,
But your love took me out of the water.

Though my veins show through,
Don’t let your blood give up.
There’s more to touching you,
There’s more to this than love.

But your love,
But your love took me out of the water.
But your love, love,
But your love took me out of the water.

Diving deep to the south bed,
Where the light gives up
All the pearls of the dead,
Were they worth more than us?

But your love,
But your love took me out of the water.
But your love, love,
But your love took me out of the water.”

[ A Great Wave – Phildel ]

First of all, a disclaimer: we now live in an age in which cultural sensitivity is finally becoming a thing. At long last, traditionally imperialistic white nations, especially Europeans and white Americans, are being brought to reckoning in regards to the imperialistic exploitation of other cultures (past and, unfortunately, present), and discussing cultural appropriation is an integral and pivotal part of this discourse.

In this context, I wish to clarify that the use of a cheongsam and a youzhisan in the styling of this photo is not meant as orientalistic or appropriative, but as a homage to Phildel’s ancestry, which is partly Chinese. We have a great deal of admiration for Phildel as an artist and as a person, as well as great respect for the Chinese culture that has contributed shaping Phildel’s musical identity and also our collective human heritage, and that’s what was in our minds when we styled this photo. I sincerely do hope we managed to include Chinese aesthetics into our work in a tasteful enough way that our intent has come across clearly.

 

That said, A Great Wave was another of the photos that put me in a bit of a pickle when it came to weather: summers in Alghero tend to have little wind, so we had to exploit that stroke-of-luck “bad” weather day to take this photo.

Conceptually, this is the second of the marine-themed songs, but it differentiates from Wild Sea in that the water, here, is a metaphor for something that’s outside of the protagonist’s inner world and, at that, even overwhelming, while the love of the listener shields them from harm. This is why it was the perfect photo to use the youzhisan, or oil-paper umbrella, as a shield between Luisa and the wave, a visual metaphor for the shielding love in the lyrics.

Aesthetically, I decided to draw a bridge between East Asian aesthetics and a touch of Italian Renaissance, with a big nod to Sandro Botticelli’s Birth of Venus: I chose that location specifically because having someone modelling on top of that pillar would give the work a solemn, mythological, almost sculptural feel.

As for the photo itself, a good magician does not reveal their best trick, but it did take some work an effort to turn out the way it did. I’ll just leave it at that.

Once again, I’d like to reiterate that this work is not meant to be disrespectful, and I hope I did not step onto anybody’s sensitivities. On the contrary, I would like to take this opportunity to express my solidarity to the Chinese and Asian communities who have been facing violence and discrimination across many Western countries, including Italy, especially since the pandemic was misblamed on them. We collectively need to do better so that we can shape a future in which each of our individual cultures becomes part of humanity’s common heritage.

Glide Dog

“Heartbeats racing through my deep sleep,
Heavy as I go.
Skin don’t mean a thing,
Your skin don’t mean a thing, no.

I need more blood than you can pour, love,
More blood than you can pour, love.
I need more pain to remember your name,
More pain to remember your name.

Sharp teeth underneath my coat,
I’m hungry as it goes.
Shark teeth buried in your throat,
We keep it close.

‘Cause I need more blood than you can pour, love,
More blood than you can pour, love.
I need more pain to remember your name,
More pain to remember your name.
Yeah, I’m gonna need real hurt to give this real worth,
Real hurt to give this real worth.
I’m gonna need more blood than you can pour, love,
More blood than you can pour, love.

Cold to describe, I’m dripping in ice
When I glide dog,
Glide dog.

‘Cause I need more blood than you can pour, love,
More blood than you can pour, love.
I need more pain to remember your name,
More pain to remember your name.
Yeah, I’m gonna need real hurt to give this real worth,
Real hurt to give this real worth.
I’m gonna need more blood than you can pour, love,
More blood than you can pour, love.”

[ Glide Dog – Phildel ]

I honestly have no clue what the title of this song even means. Seriously, I’m in the dark. The lyrics, however, are very rich in imagery, and the melody and arrangement have a very distinct sensual undertone which I thought would be a perfect stepping stone for the photo.

 

Given her upbringing, Phildel is no stranger to violent imagery in her lyrics – I mean, look at The Wolf. This time, however, the song felt distinctly intimate and that’s the vibe I wanted my photo to have as well. One of my inspirations was Princess Margaret’s infamous 1959 birthday portrait (and also this later one from 1967) by Tony Armstrong Jones, the one with the dress pulled down so low it almost looks like a nude.

 

So fake nude from the shoulder up it is to conjure the sensuality of the song, and fake blood to evoke the violent imagery. As my theatrical blood is chilling in Trieste (and also running out), I had to make do with homemade one, for which I used blueberry juice as a dye and potato starch as a coagulant (though I might have to revise the formula).

A funny detail, I had my mother pour the “blood” on Luisa’s hand as I shot. The first few attempts didn’t have nearly enough of it to look good, so I kept saying I needed more and damn, did it all sound like the song lyrics in a genuine case of life imitating art (but for art’s sake)!

 

The real reason I went the sensual route with this song, unlike Electric Heights, was that I could easily pull it off with only Luisa modelling for it. I am demanding when I take photos, but I always prioritise my models’ comfort and boundaries, including my own, so I specifically devised this photo in a way that would not feel awkward for either of us.

It’s a lesson I think we all need to remember as artists: a work is always a collaborative effort, so we need to take everyone’s sensibilities into account. It’s a small sacrifice to pay, for when everybody’s at their ease the works produced become even better.

Emblem

“We’ve got the real thing,
Not the emblem,
Not the emblem.
I said those words, yeah,
And I meant them,
I meant them, ooh.

Give me the real thing,
Give me the real thing,
Not the emblem, ooh.
Empty envelopes when,
Empty envelopes when
I send them, ooh.

Keep your promises
And defend them,
Defend them.
Words and choruses,
You transcend them,
Transcend them, ooh.

Keep your diamond rings,
I don’t want anything.
Save your words and cards,
Don’t need paper hearts.

I said, I said
We’ve got the real thing,
We’ve got the real thing,
Not the emblem,
Not the emblem.
We’ve got the real thing,
We’ve got the real thing,
Not the emblem,
Not the emblem.”

[ Emblem – Phildel ]

Emblem is one of those songs that warranted a less-is-more approach: I decided to focus on the keyword in the title and one verse in particular – the second about defending one’s promises – to build the image around. I know in this context the “emblem” was probably meant as the pictorial representation of something as opposed to the actual object (i.e.: love), but I deviated from that to take into account the “coat of arms” meaning of the word and turn it into a shield of sort to evoke the idea of defending one’s promise. As a metaphorical shield I used my mother’s Russian enamel trays, which are very pictorial in decor, and also put one as a halo for good measure, because really, why not?

To contrast with the black trays and Luisa’s matching dark clothing I opted for a light background which ended up feeling a little empty, so I texturised with some old photos of white buildings in Trieste I had taken as backgrounds for a cosplay commission. I chose a part of Trieste’s city hall which was damaged by shells shot by the retreating nazi troops to symbolise that the conflict in the song is coming to an end and the main character is victorious and has saved what she was rooting for.

And yes, that’s pretty much the concept: I took some liberties but aimed again at strong visuals to make up for that.

Wild Sea

“Only I’m a wild sea,
Lonely till you leave me.

Speeding down a silent shore,
Something tells me I’ve been here before.
By heart, I know this dark.

Shapes turn to black,
I’d give you back.

Only I’m a wild sea,
Lonely till you hold me:
Love me like you do.
I know that I’m hard work,
You know I’ve been so hurt:
Love me like you do.
Yeah, I know you’re easy-going
Just to please me:
Love me like you do.
You know I’m a wild sea,
Lonely till you hold me:
Love me like you do.

Speeding down a silent shore,
Something tells me we’ve been here before.
Where we’re going I don’t wanna see,
Everyday you slip away from me.

I’d give you back,
I’d give you that.

Only I’m a wild sea,
Lonely till you hold me:
Love me like you do.
I know that I’m hard work,
You know I’ve been so hurt:
Love me like you do.
Yeah, I know you’re easy-going
Just to please me:
Love me like you do.
You know I’m a wild sea,
Lonely till you hold me:
Love me like you do.

You are my emblem of gold.
You won’t remember you told me.
You have a right not to know
How good it feels when you hold me.

Ships turning back,
They know I’m a wild sea.
I’ll be lonely till you leave me.

Only I’m a wild sea,
Lonely till you hold me:
Love me like you do.
I know that I’m hard work,
You know I’ve been so hurt:
Love me like you do.
Yeah, I know you’re easy-going
Just to please me:
Love me like you do.
You know I’m a wild sea,
Lonely till you hold me:
Love me like you do.”

[ Wild Sea – Phildel ]

Wild Sea is my favourite song from Wave Your Flags. It’s got some fierce competition, but I don’t know, something about it just clicked with me. And as it’s often the case, my favourite song from an album turns out to be the most difficult to adapt into a photo because I tend to raise my expectations about it.

In this case, though, there was a further problem: I imagined this photo with a murky sky, wavy sea and diffuse light, which aren’t exactly easy to come by in Sardinian summer. I kept the concept as vague and open as possible until basically a few days before Luisa’s arrival, all the while keeping a close eye on weather forecast to see if we’d get a chance to work with clouds. Turns out we did get a chance on the second day, which we promptly seized to also take Electric Heights and another one, so I could just go with my original concept without having to bend it out of shape.

A further challenge was Phildel writing three songs with marine metaphors, which meant I had to get creative to make each one different and individual enough. With this one, I decided to put emphasis on “I’m the wild sea” – i.e. the sea as a metaphor of the protagonist’s inner state: I gave Luisa the central spot in the photo, but also let the sea be prominent all around her. I also styled her with that blue lace dress to further emphasise the connection with the sea, and took advantage of any gust of wind that would shake her hair to make it all look more “wild” until I got the shot I wanted.

That’s basically it, I just run with the same metaphor as the lyrics, only making it visual. It’s also noteworthy that Luisa is modelling in the same location where someone else who shall not be named modelled when they came to Sardinia, except Luisa’s level of commitment to our projects and, thus, the final results were on a completely different level. Really, after getting burned so badly last time I was genuinely nervous about that, which is why I decided to exorcise it by shooting in the same location.

Lamb

“Oh my precious lamb, I hear you calling
And offer up my hands to you in healing.
Let my voice resound where your hurts are deepest,
Let my voice resound when yours is weakest.

Fold into my arms, it’s enough.
Fold into my arms, you are loved,
You are loved,
You are loved.

Oh my precious lamb, I hear you crying,
And time will take its time to deliver meaning.
Buried by their lies, but you’re gonna be alright.
Silenced by their words, but you’re gonna be heard.

Fold into my arms, it’s enough.
Fold into my arms, you are loved,
You are loved,
You are loved,
You are loved.

For all those years they put you down,
For all those years without your crown.

Fold into my arms, it’s enough.
Fold into my arms, you are loved,
You are loved,
You are loved,
You are loved.”

[ Lamb – Phildel ]

The fifth photo in the Wave Your Flags series is Lamb, and was one of the easiest to turn from music to image: the idea of a lamb has some sacred connotations and made me immediately think of Baroque paintings, especially Caravaggio, which was the aesthetic I decided to pursue.

In this scenario, Luisa is not the person who’s speaking, but the “lamb”, the one the song is addressed to. This photo could have worked well with two models, but I wanted to reduce as much as possible my involvement in front of the camera, so I decided to imply a metaphysical comforting presence in the form of ray of lights that Luisa is turning towards. I had this colour filter in mind all along so the dramatic but not too sharp lighting would be emphasised, also giving an overall “old canvas” feel to the image. This was also to play to Luisa’s strengths: her features make her just perfect for this kind of classical painting tributes!

To be completely honest, I had forgotten the line in the bridge that talks about a crown: I just decided to include a radial halo because I’d never pass on the chance to put one into a photo! – it just happened to perfectly align with the lyrics too. If we think that the “lamb” is already healing, then she’s already got her crown back.

There was a little miscommunication in regards to the styling between me and Luisa: I thought of a floral garment which was actually a winter coat (totally unviable in the blistering Sardinian summer), while she thought I meant this beautiful flowy dress. In hindsight, this one works better not only because the white and soft fabric gives an immediate association with a lamb, but also because it recalls later Rococo paintings with the pastoral aesthetics popularised by Marie Antoinette, our very first cottagecore queen.

I’m very satisfied with this photo. I think I managed to exploit some visual associations to convey the general mood and meaning of the song. And even putting aside the project, I just love everything about this work.

Oh Love

“Oh love, believe me,
Nothing ever comes to us easy,
The rivers never run up to meet me,
Gotta find your own way down.
And in this cruel storm,
Love, you got my back like a fog horn.
Anything I lack can be reborn
Anytime you come around.

But where do you turn to,
Wandering the streets that have spurned you?
Love, it’s just that nobody’s earned you,
But I will never let you down.

Oh love, running down my skin like it’s too much,
Never cried about a thing until now but us, us.
Oh love, where do I begin with my hard luck?
The walls are closing in but my head’s up, up, up.

And if you need more,
Just hold out yours hands ‘cause it’s all yours,
Boy, I’d break the dam to be your source
And I’d never let you drown.
But hey, believe me,
Nothing’s worth the love that comes cheaply.
Hold it back or give it up freely
And it will never let you down.

Oh love!
Oh love, running down my skin like it’s too much,
Never cried about a thing until now but us, us.
Oh love, where do I begin with my hard luck?
The walls are closing in but my head’s up, up, up.

The first to fall against the grain
Must bear the weight and bear the strain
Of everything, that it brings.
And every queen and every king
Looks to the sky when there’s nothing to do –

But you, love, running down my skin like it’s too much,
Never cried about a thing until now but us, us.
Oh love, where do I begin with my hard luck?
The walls are closing in but my head’s up, up, up.

Oh love, oh love, oh love, oh.
Oh love, oh love, oh love, oh.”

[ Oh Love – Phildel ]

Oh Love was another song that gave me a tough time figuring out. I like it a lot, but imagery-wise is kind of all over the place. As a suggestion, Luisa showed me an illustration of a couple on a boat, which is a classic scenario, and I decided to give it my own spin with a boat on a dried field that lies just beneath the fortified walls of Alghero. After all, the song is about a love that takes some effort to work, and what better way to show it than a boat all run aground, but with its “sailors” still stubbornly pointing and looking at the light ahead? Well, okay, the “pointing out” part was more of a spur-of-the-moment thing, in truth I was directing Luisa’s modelling when the shutter closed, but I ended up liking it and using it as the actual pose.

Even with Luisa’s assist and my knowledge of the city smoothing the conceptualisation out, this photo was still kind of stressing me out because we saved it for the last day, I had to rely on my mother’s assistance a lot, and due to time constraints I had to make do with a very strong, direct light. I was nervous because we basically only had that one shot at it and so many things could work against us. In hindsight, I think the strong light helped bring the scene to life, give depth to the background and give the photo a more hopeful, bright mood. In a way, I think Luisa’s and my being tired from all the other shoots but still determined to get things done and get them right somehow bled through into the photo and actually helped us portray the song at its best: we’re this close to letting go, but this thing is so important to us that no, we won’t give it up. That’s the beautiful concept that Phildel shared with her song, and I sincerely hope we made it justice in our photo.

Wave Your Flags

“What do I do? What do I do
Here in the darkness with you, with you?

Sit me down, hold me back before we crash.
Give it up, skin and blood, this is love.
Carry me, lock to key, lightning speed.
Halfway back, wave, wave your flags.

‘Cause it’s speeding up.
Sacrifice yourself for love.
Weightless as the Moon,
I can’t stop this taking off too soon.

What do I do? What do I do
Here in the darkness with you, with you?

Sit me down, hold me back before we crash.
Give it up, skin and blood, this is love.
Carry me, lock to key, lightning speed.
Halfway back, wave, wave your flags.

Have you hid enough,
Camouflaged yourself from love?
Hard to make it stop,
Hard to slow what’s speeding up.

What do I do? What do I do
Here in the darkness with you, with you?

Sit me down, hold me back before we crash.
Give it up, skin and blood, this is love.
Carry me, lock to key, lightning speed.
Halfway back, wave, wave your flags, ah,
Wave your flags, ah,
Wave your flags,
Wave your flags.”

[ Wave Your Flags – Phildel ]

Here we are at the title track of the album, and third photo from the series.

Wave Your Flags is perhaps the photo that was most transformed, in my head, by the decision of taking the series from Trieste to Alghero, due to not having my studio lights and wooden floor. Also, I now realise that I envisioned my original idea as a moving image, the subjects sitting still back-to-back under the “flag” and a cone of light, while the PoV revolves around them, which I don’t know how well would have translated to a still image. Also, while the old idea was more sombre and dark and matched the general tone of the lyrics, in hindsight I prefer the more light, optimistic approach that the titular flag-waving gives off.

One thing I decided to apply to the project in general, and this photo in particular, was to streamline the concepts: rather than trying to include as many images and metaphors from the lyrics as I could, I just decided to give a general impression of them according to the general theme, overall mood of the song, and often the title itself. I like layering the symbolism in my images, but on the one hand sometimes less is more, and on the other I’ve learned to plan according to contingency: I had to squeeze about fifteen photoshoots into a narrow timeframe, each had to be as quick and effortless as possible.

And thus, here is Luisa literally waving her flag in the breeze. Simple, hopefully effective, with a stylish outfit to enhance the general aesthetics and minimal but concrete background to ground the photo in reality.

On a side note, we’re publishing the photos in the same order as a tracklist, and we started last Friday, with Saturday as a gap to allow Luisa to travel back home without having to mind social media. Also, Luisa’s scarf, which we used as the titular flag, just so happened to be blue. And last but not least, Luisa is very, very passionate about football.

This coincidence made it so the photo of Luisa waving her blue flag was released just today, in the wake of Italy’s national team winning the Euro 2020 cup. It has now doubled as a celebration for Luisa and seriously, there could be no amount of foresight that could have made it all click as smoothly as it did!

Electric Heights

“Electric heights,
I’m a dizzy spell away from getting close to you.
I was alive
With the things I never really thought that you could do.
Can’t compromise:
When I think about the chance, I had to make it work.
I wanna die
From the ways I never really thought that it would hurt.

But now I’m begging you for something
That I thought I’d never want.
Tears me to the ground,
This is the apex of your hunt.

I prayed I’d have something that you’d still need,
I’d have something that you’d still want,
But now, finding you gone, I see
I was alive.

I was alive
But there were too many flags on the sand,
Too many eyes,
I never really thought that you would be my man.
Electric heights,
I’m a dizzy spell away from getting close to you.
I wanna die
From the things I never really thought that you could do.

Sight before sound, and I’m left there, oh.
Sight before sound, and I’m left there, oh,
Begging you, needing to,
Begging you, needing to…

I prayed I’d have something that you’d still need,
I’d have something that you’d still want,
Oh, now finding you gone, I see
I was alive.”

[ Electric Heights – Phildel ]

In my entry for Storm Song, the second photo from the other project, I wrote that it was quite a quick concept to come up with. Well, nothing like the second song from this album, Electric Heights, which was a much tougher one to crack. I perceive the song as quite sexual and intimate in nature, in a way that I didn’t think would work well with only one model, and that I wouldn’t be comfortable acting in a supporting capacity. As a result, this was one of the two photos I hadn’t written down by the time I sent the final notes to Luisa, so she was the one to come up with concept instead. She suggested a quite literal interpretation of the title, with herself atop a height of some sort and lightning in the sky. By this point, weather forecasts were already precise enough to consistently signal clouds on at least one day while she was here, so it was a viable concept and I decided to go with it.

While pondering possible locations, I immediately thought of this modern-looking stairway which I’ve been wanting to use in some photo for a long time: I thought it’s fit well with the posh, synthpop-ish sound of the song. On a side note, the top of it is the place where I shot both works of my Wandering Stars project, as around sunset or late afternoon it has a perfectly and mostly unobstructed back light that’s easy to work with; I’ve also shot another photo from this project there.

The photo is actually a composite because I thought the lights on the sides of the stairs would look cool and add to the concept but, of course, were switched off during the day. I thus went back and shot them separately at night from the same perspective, and then overimposed them on the original image. As I imagined, the final effect loos quite cool. I also drew the lightnings with my tablet because we don’t have many thunderstorms here, so what was I to do about it?

As for the styling, Luisa’s beautiful Trussardi dress with shiny diamond prints was the natural choice to further evoke something sparkly and electric.

So here it is, Electric Heights. It wasn’t an easy concept to pull off and I tried to make up for that with strong visuals. I hope you enjoy it!

The Deep

“Give up
Or love me for the things I’m not,
Because
I won’t let this turn to dust
On us, no.

Creatures of the darkness know
How to keep the lights low.
Creatures of the darkness know
How to keep the lights low.

Just give me a sign ‘cause it runs through my mind like your heat.
Caught in the web, you’re so easily led to the deep.
Falling behind ‘cause it runs through my mind like a need.
Caught in the web, you’re so easily led to the deep.

This love,
You know that I’d call it off,
But I can’t, I can’t
Give up,
‘Cause you know I was made for us,

I can’t give up.

Just give me a sign ‘cause it runs through my mind like your heat.

Caught in the web, you’re so easily led to the deep.
Falling behind ‘cause it runs through my mind like a need.
Caught in the web, you’re so easily led to the deep.

Creatures of the darkness know
How to keep the lights low.
Creatures of the darkness know
How to keep the lights low.”

[ The Deep – Phildel ]

The Deep is the opener of the new album, much like The Disappearance Of The Girl was for the previous one. Similarly, the two photos serve as an introduction to the respective projects.

Given this link, I decided to envision The Deep as the polar opposite of The Disappearance Of The Girl: while the latter portrayed Luisa as disappearing into the light, away from the viewer and with closed eyes, The Deep would have her emerging from the darkness towards the viewer and engaging them directly with both her gesture and gaze. Not only would it lin the two projects somehow, but conceptually it would also work perfectly with the lyrics and the seductive mood of the song. It was one of the first and easiest concepts I came up with in regards of the project, including a blueish colour wash, dramatic lighting from the side, a slightly downwards perspective and Luisa in a light-coloured outfit to stand out from the background.

One thing I wanted to experiment with was creating a natural gradient on Luisa’s dress, which I achieved by layering some black tulle on her rose skirt: a combination of short field of depth and progressively fuller netting made her fade into the background while also providing some texture.

Speaking of texture, I usually leave some from the backdrop, or add some subtle one when I have big dark areas such as this one; in this case, I decided to make the darkness as smooth and empty as possible to let it be as important a part of the photo as the model herself, to further dive a sense of depth or an abyss. I hope it worked out well!

Wave Your Flags: presentation

At last, the time has come: the moment Phildel released a sequel to her amazing 2013 debut album, The Disappearance Of The Girl, I knew my dear friend Luisa and I would reunite to make our own sequel to our 2014 photographic project of the same name. It was just a matter of time. Honestly, we would have done a project on The Glass Ghost too, if it weren’t extremely impractical to organise, what with it being a winter-themed EP and both of us living in places that lack substantial or reliable snowfalls – and even then, we haven’t ruled it out altogether yet. But Wave Your Flags doesn’t need snow, so last year we started talking about it much more concretely. Finally, we decided that, once the covid crisis was over or at least manageable, we’d meet up and shoot the project.

Now, Wave Your Flags the album came out in 2019 and we had to wait until now to make something with it because, you guess it, covid.

Truth be told, though, not only  did the pandemic postpone the shoot, it also did directly shape the series considerably. Luisa got vaccinated much sooner than I did and, when we were talking early logistics, there was no way of knowing when I’d get my own shot yet. Since visiting me in Trieste or Alghero wasn’t that big of a difference to her, I decided to invite her to Sardinia – which would also allow us to take advantage of the much prettier sea here for the three sea-related songs in the album. If I had been in Trieste or had the possibility to go back there sooner, a considerable part of the series would have looker much, much different and I would have had to conceptualise around the lack of pretty-looking beaches there.

Speaking of covid, I also want to emphasise that we only started discussing logistics concretely once Luisa was fully vaccinated and there were tentative talks of my age group getting the shot in my own region: I wouldn’t have put her at risk of being in public without a mask, or sharing a home with an unvaccinated me – let alone travelling at all! – if that hadn’t been the case. The whole series was realised after both Luisa and my mother, who often assisted us, were fully vaccinated, and I got the first dose and had at least partial protection. Also, over two weeks had passed for all of us, meaning we’d given time to our immune systems to produce enough antibodies. As frustrating as this pandemic is for many artists, especially performers, personally I will never, ever put anyone’s health at risk just to get a good photo.

As for the project itself, I have to admit it was a very rewarding but also challenging experience on all fronts. First off, I had to really push against general anxiety and depression to get the creative juices flowing when conceptualising the images; it took me longer than usual to do so, but fortunately Luisa provided considerable input for songs I was less sure about and that part worked out eventually. I was also afraid I’d be rusty after over a year of almost only taking self-portraits, but that turned out not to be the case: there was no shaky hands, no flimys focus, no particular trouble with cropping and framing… muscle memory didn’t fail me at all!

Finally, the nature of the project – eleven pictures that share a common origin, but must otherwise work as individual pieces, each with its own character and mood – made it so it wasn’t, like, I could just do one big shoot and pick eleven photos out of it, but rather eleven individual shoots (plus a few non-related ones) that should yield one photo each! And each needed its own preparation, styling, often different locations and light conditions, all squeezed in a four-day time frame.

It was tyring but now, with all photos taken and post-produced, I can wholeheartedly say it was completely worth it: Wave Your Flags is one of the projects I’m proudest of in my entire catalogue!

One final thing I feel like saying is that it helped a lot to work with a model that could bring along a huge and diverse wardrobe: we had plenty of outfits to choose from, so each photo could be styled differently according to its own mood and concept. We ended up reusing one outfit twice because it worked well with two concepts (while other outfits remained unused), but it was simply the best choice for both works.

And that’s pretty much it as for the project in general. I’ll discuss each photo more in detail with individual posts, like I did with The Disappearance Of The Girl. I sincerely hope you all enjoy the photos, as much effort was put into them by all those involved. And don’t forget to go check Phildel’s music out: she’s an endless source of inspiration!

Mercury

Mercury, the planet of communication, intellect, curiosity, understanding and expression.

The third Personal Planet, it represents all the ways people express themselves, communicate with one another, approach knowledge and process information. It also represents nervous breakdowns, indecisiveness and over-analysis to keep under check.

Ruler of Gemini and Virgo, it has its exaltation in Virgo, fall in Leo and Pisces, detriment in Sagittarius.

Its glyph represents Hermes’ caduceus and winged petasos, and its meaning is Spirit connecting Matter and Soul.

Okay, as you might know, I’m a Gemini: it’s no wonder, then, that I have a natural affinity with anything about Mercury or Hermes. Favourite planet in astronomy? Mercury! Favourite Greek god? Hermes? Favourite Sailor Senshi? Sailor Mercury (and the Outers, but that’s another matter)! Sexiest character in Blood of Zeus? Hermes! Favourite one in Lore Olympus? That’s a close call but again, Hermes! Also, remember that time I went around Trieste hunting down every last statue of Hermes? You get the picture.

So of course, if I was really planning an entire series about the Planets in astrology, I was going to be Mercury. Technically it isn’t even the first time I’ve done that, since I assigned the embodiment / rulership of astrological Mercury to Astaroth in my Infernal Lords series: this is just one step further.

Said plans were actually not a spur-of-the-moment decision in the wake of how glorious Venus turned out last year: checking the metadata for the wings I shot to complete this photo, I took those in September 2018, which means by then the general concept for the project had already formed in my head, and I had a few specifics sorted out too.

One of these specifics was that the Sun and the two inferior planets (those orbiting closer to the Sun than Earth, i.e. Mercury and Venus) would be back-lit, in the former’s case to make it look radiant, and in the latter’s because that would be the “correct” light from our perspective, as they’re never too far from the Sun.

In practice, this translated into a painstakingly long process that involved going to the park, baiting birds with breadcrumbs, then scaring them away so I could take photos while they spread their wings, which had to be back-lit too to correctly fit the final image. And fun fact, while the wings sat there in my external hard drive for two years and a half, at some point I thought I’d have to reshoot them now I had upgraded my telephoto lens, until I tried using them as a place holder and found out they actually looked good in the context of the photo.

What I did have to reshoot was the portrait: I gave it a first try back in October last year, but the photos from that session were unconvincing and, after a few weeks of fiddling with them, I decided to scrap them and start over. For one thing the modelling was too stiff to represent dynamic, quick-moving and quick-thinking Mercury. Also, the abuse of a reflecting panel made for some not-so-good lighting with too much of a yellowish tone for the blue hues I had in mind (yes, I’m going to be shamelessly stealing the Sailor Senshi’s colour schemes for this project). I had also half-assed the styling and grooming (most notably, short sleeves don’t work well with the pose and a linen scarf is too heavy to float in the breeze), plus I was facing the camera and that didn’t jam well with the wings: there’s a reason why every Hermes/Mercury statue, bust or what not has them parallel to the skull, and that’s not to make them look like donkey ears. Trust me, spread head wings don’t look pretty.

 

Having learned from my mistakes, I purchased a couple of new white shirts for the project, waited out winter and the string of partial lock-downs in the past months, got a new haircut to have hairdresser-fresh grooming, and finally set off to rectify the situation. As usual, a huge chunk of the praise has to go to my assistant, my mother DamaInNero, for helping me out with the self-portrait (i.e.: I did the set up, but it was her who clicked and captured the precise moment when I was at my most flowy).

Speaking of which, I’m pretty satisfied with the pose and the flow of the scarf: it sort of looks as if Mercury just paused for a moment to check social media before taking off and flying somewhere that caught his attention.

As with Venus, I went for some pretty straight-forward symbolism: extra emphasis on communication and curiosity symbolised by the smartphone, a device that literally puts humankind’s entire knowledge in your hands, and the wings to nod back to Hermes and to symbolise a “winged mind”, so to speak. They also double as an oblique reference to Mercury’s planetary symbol, the caduceus with the winged petasos (travelling hat).

There’s no astronomical easter egg this time because Mercury is a fickle little bitch who likes evading observation and photography. Also, as you can guess, I won’t pass on the chance to put halos on each single character this time around, so halo it is.

 

At this point, with two thematically similar works already done, there’s no point denying this has become my latest long-term project. The next work is really going to codify it for good: I’m not planning on doing the Sun anytime soon because I don’t have the right model, so the next Planet is going to decide whether the back light is just for the inferior planets or the aesthetic for the entire project. I might have someone in mind while I’m still here in Sardinia, especially now that my age group is getting vaccinated and I’ll be able to meet my friends again, so here’s hoping there will be new additions soon.

All I Have To Give

“Staring in the mirror,
Watching as the walls are closing in,
A shadow of a figure
Trying to make the best of the state that I am in.
I guess I could do with the friends I’ve been pushing away,
But I’m destined to suffer until I discover the reasons I’m afraid.

God knows I try:
It might not be good enough,
But it’s all I have to give,
This is all I have to give.
You might be right sometimes,
I never open up,
But it’s all I have to give,
This is all I have to give.

Staring in the mirror,
Picturing the face of a younger man.
He buries it away
‘Cause he’s gotta try and cope in a way he understands.
Be there for your brother and strong for your mother again
‘Cause he’s too young to get it and she’ll get upset if she knows you feel the pain.

God knows I try:
It might not be good enough,
But it’s all I have to give,
This is all I have to give.
You might be right sometimes,
I’m too scared to open up,
But it’s all I have to give,
This is all I have to give to you.

I tell myself there’s nothing left to lose.
I don’t know why I’m hiding from the truth.
I face myself and all I see is you,
Is you
Staring in the mirror,
Watching as the walls are closing in.

But God knows I try,:
It might not be good enough,
But it’s all I have to give,
This is all I have to give.
You might be right sometimes,
I’m too scared to open up,
But it’s all I have to give,
This is all I have to give to you,
To you,
This is all I have to give.”

[ All I Have To Give – Hurts ]

It’s kinda easy and tempting to dismiss All I Have To Give as just your garden-variety soppy piano ballad: I almost did initially. For the first few plays I gave Faith, I regarded it as the weak link of an otherwise consistently strong album. Thankfully, once I get familiar with the melody, I’ve got the habit to add the lyrics to my iTunes files, which require a specific listen during which I double check if everything is in order (yeah, I’ve got my idiosyncratic rituals when I listen to music). And lo and behold, is this apparently harmless ballad actually about the fact that Theo suffers from depression? Yeah, dude, same: welcome to the club. Suddenly, All I Have To Give had become one of the most relatable songs in Hurts’ entire catalogue, and its apparent simplicity had turned into a mark of sincerity and openness.

Once I got to work on a photographic concept, I decided to start with two reoccurring keywords in the lyrics: the mirror and the fear of opening up, the latter symbolised by the shut jewellery box and resting bitch face. I decided to basically make a still life with my trustworthy Mirror Of Decay (of Morphine fame), the box and a few other items, with a model (myself) appearing as a reflection.

As for the objects, aside from the candles, which are mostly for dressing, I included a vintage Industar 50mm lens (which belonged to my mother’s now defunct analogue camera) as the “all I have to give”: sometimes I do feel as if my artistic output is the only thing I am able to give, or the most effective way in which I can sort out and communicate my feelings. The calendar (which returned from Gloomy Sunday) and broken clock (from the unrelated We Just Stopped Breathing) are there to represent the weird relationship between depression and time: sometimes it feels like days are just running by with no way to slow them down or at least savour them, sometimes like time has frozen and the clock won’t move.

 

It took me a while to get down to shooting the photo because the weather has been too gloomy for an indoor photo, given that all my light equipment is still in Trieste, but at last I took advantage of yesterday’s sun and shot it.

From a technical standpoint, the photo actually consists of two merged exposures, one focussed on the still life scene and one on the reflection, which is optically much farther away and thus can’t be focussed on at the same time unless you shut the diaphragm to a prohibitive degree, given the light conditions. I also made no effort to hide the chip in the mirror or the surface being unglued from the frame, to further emphasise a sense of weariness. You can also have a glimpse of my CD library because I wanted to ground the photo in reality rather than depict it in some abstract space.

So there it is, a rather simple photo with some below-the-surface symbolism, much like the song has hidden depths beneath its sweet ballad appearance.