Monday, 24 February 2014

Internal Landscapes

Internal Landscapes by GothicNarcissus‘And I felt myself going. I was in a great deal of pain. It was a very frightening experience, but I began to slip, to just sort of feel myself going. And I remember trying to hold on, I’ll be ok, I’ll be ok, and it got to the point where I just couldn’t, and everything began to just become very quiet. And I can remember with every ounce of strength I had I wanted to say goodbye to my wife. It was important to me. And I did, I remember just turning my head, looking at her and saying, ‘I’m gonna die. Goodbye Joan.’ And I did.
It was then that I experienced what we call a near-death experience. For me there was nothing near about it. It was there. It was a total immersion in light, brightness, warmth, peace, security. I did not have an out-of-body experience, I did not see my body or anyone about me, I just immediately went into this beautiful bright light. It’s difficult to describe. Matter of fact, it’s impossible to describe. Verbally, it cannot be expressed. It’s something which becomes you and you become it. I could say that I was peace, I was love, I was the brightness. It was part of me.’

Goodbye, my friend.
Love will never end.
And I feel like you
And I breathe all truth.

Love is the lifebreath inside of me.
Love is the true light inside of me.
And I know you somehow,
As I hold you in my heart,
(Senses following me)
In my heart.
(Senses following me)

There’s a fire in the sky
And I know it’s you.
(Senses following me,
Senses following me.)
There’s a light that’s so bright
And I know it’s you,
(Senses following me)
I know it’s you.
(Senses following me)

And I dream like you
(Senses following me,
Senses following me.)
And I believe in truth.
(Senses following me,
Senses following me.)
For I was always there
And I will always be there.

‘And it’s just so beautiful. It was eternity. It’s like I was always there, and I will always be there… that my existence on earth was just a very brief instant. I could say that I was peace, I was love, I was the brightness. It was part of me.’

[ Internal Landscapes – Anathema ]

I have a weird relationship with Internal Landscapes. I know it’s an important song for both Danny and Vincent Cavanagh, the latter spoke very fondly of it during the interview I gave him in 2012 and said they considered it to be the title track of the album, they’re enthusiastic about the near-death experience monologue, but I never got fully into it. I mean, yes, it’s a nice song and everything, but up until some time ago, I couldn’t relate to it at all. It just left me cold. Then, one evening, it happened: I was listening to it and suddenly realised just how deeply emotional it is, I got shivers all over and knew exactly what to do with it. (Interesting, it was the 50th time I was listening to the whole album – which means it was also the 50th time I listened to this song, as it is the least played on Weather Systems).
I once mentioned each of my project has an odd one out among the bunch – in this case, The Storm Before The Calm, which was split into two works. Well, here we get two odd ones out, as I decided to take a different approach while making Internal Landscapes: a diptych with a portrait and a landscape like the other works, but mingled. So I did a portrait with a faint overimpressed landscape, and a landscape with a faint portrait in it. I thought this was the best way to represente the oneness of all, the spiritual connection between the individuals and the whole world around them. (No wonder it took me a while to figure out such a concept, given it is as far away as it could be from my beliefs – or lack thereof).
I don’t exactly know why I chose Uriele to model for this photo: while I was having that fateful 50th listen and the song “spoke to me”, it pointed him itself. Like, I saw him in my head and knew he had to be, end of the story. And yeah, he did a great modelling job and showed the exact feeling I needed with very little direction (it felt kinda stupid to say aloud, “You must be reaching for the very spirit of the world around and the love that pervades everything”, so I keep it vague).

And here we go. After this photo, although there are only two left, the Weather Systems project is going to take an indefinite hiatus, the reasons of which I will explain in an upcoming post about how my long-term projects are doing. Meanwhile  may not be the love, or the brightness, but I hope I could convey those feelings through my work.

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