Matter Of Time

“‘It’s a matter of time’, you said,
‘It’s a matter of time’.
‘Figure out what is yours’, I said,
‘Figure out what is mine’.
And even if I pretended trust,
It was not hard to pretend.
And even if I gave up myself,
You’re not on what I depend.

As you wanted me to be right,
I preferred to be wrong.
And as your self-pity got control,
You supposed to get strong.
You might misunderstand me, dear,
But I had all that before.
Get control of yourself, my friend,
But you’re about to ignore.

Don’t have to comprehend where I belong,
Where I pretend to know if you’re wrong.
You tried to reach me on behalf of your errors,
A life getting serious.
You’re not as delirious to look in the mirrors
Of open decisions, so run.
Behalf of your errors, a life getting serious,
So look for where you have begun.”

[ Matter Of Time – Leandra ]

Oh boy, this photo.

So, remember how in 2015 I was going through an utterly disastrous moment, I had to really, truly acknowledge that I was clinically depressed because, left untreated, it was pulling me down, I had dropped out of university for good, I had no idea whatsoever where my life was headed and, on top of it all, that included photography because I had had a certain experience that had totally shattered my self-confidence? Yeah, I don’t have fond memories of that time.

At some point, after I reached my absolute low due to a wrong anti-depressant prescription that turned me into a zombie for about a month and a half (don’t worry, I’ve changed my therapist immediately afterwards), things started to get to a point where at least I was functional enough to tell myself, “Boy, try to figure your shit out; to hell with past mistakes and future anxieties, just focus on the here an now, to find a way to feel better, get stronger and then deal with the rest”.

While most of my life was still up in the air, at least I got my creativity back, my most important way to sort out my feelings, deal with them and feel like I could turn something productive out of my misery. I reshot the photos that had opened that can of worms in the first place, and went on to take a few others for my Inspiration Hurts and Morphine projects because I was approaching a once-in-a-lifetime deadline: I was going to have my hair cut short.

I was tired of wearing it long and it was one of the weights I felt I needed to shed if I wanted to go on. I was struggling with my image, with the amount of care it required (and when you’re that depressed, even basic self-care is difficult) and I just kept it tied all the time because it was an annoyance. I considered the idea for months, then, when I was feeling like I was at a turning point, I decided to do it. It was, as they say, a matter of time.

You see what I did there.

I had the idea the morning I was set to have the haircut and decided to go for it: I envisioned the song as a conversation between zombie-me and enough-is-enough-me, and thought of rendering it with old, long-haired me sitting on the floor on his self-pity party in the shadow, and new, short-haired me standing up confident and facing the light: the change, symbolised by the haircut, was the titular matter of time. So I set the tripod, took the long-haired photos and left it all there for the next morning, with the same light, angle, perspective and everything, for the short-haired one. I also carefully studied the styling so I’d wear two similar outfits but with slight differences, to signal a progression in the narrative. Basically, everything worked in theory.

The problem is, I was in a hurry and the first batch of portraits was so-and-so: the best one fit the idea perfectly, but I miscalculated the frame and had part of my arm cut off. When I tried to assemble the photo, this made the whole composition horribly unbalanced and, hey, the problem was the portrait I couldn’t get another shot at, so what to do? I just left the PSD sitting unfinished on my external hard-drive, and tried (and failed) to come up with an entirely different concept for the song.

Then yesterday, while I was doing some cleaning up, I opened it again and damn, I still liked the idea after all this time. So I went through the other takes and ta-dah, I found one that wasn’t as good, but whose elbow I could transplant to move the whole composition so it wouldn’t look awkward. At this point, I only had to wait for morning today, re-shoot the background (which, at this point, had become a bloody mess), blend the whole damn thing together and hell yes, I did it, I saved the photo!

It has become a matter of a long time at this point, but I’m glad I pulled it off after all, it’s a good reminder that even when you lose all hope, you can still dig you way out of a bad moment and do something out of it.

Pi

“Temporary like a prism,
Being involved and being ignored.
But your broken glass charisma
Is my one and only source.

Circularly, you remember
Maybe you or me or both.
Sorry you, sorry me,
Proudly fail, resume indoors.

Distance closes our throat.
Be so sweet can’t replace.
Miles unconnectable,
Time is improvable.
Contradictions you say,
We’re so ignorable,
So your static, empty words
Just wish a syllable.

Our bodies are paralysing us,
Selling our souls otherwise.
Feed crippled mind and fertilise,
Selling our souls otherwise.
Our bodies are paralysing us,
Selling our souls otherwise.
Feed crippled mind and fertilise,
Selling our souls otherwise.

Free our horses, my pretender,
Don’t you let them go astray.
Colours flash, the only minded.
Colours… fade.

Distance closes our throat.
Be so sweet can’t replace.
Miles unconnectable,
Time is improvable.
Contradictions you say,
We’re so ignorable,
So your static, empty words
Just wish a syllable.

Our bodies are paralysing us,
Selling our souls otherwise.
Feed crippled mind and fertilise,
Selling our souls otherwise.

Step into pain circles,
Enter the whispering.
Wash out your construction,
Fragments of rain.

Our bodies are paralysing us,
Selling our souls otherwise.
Feed crippled mind and fertilise,
Selling our souls otherwise.”

[ Pi – Leandra ]

Pi has always been a tricky one in my Morphine project: while I absolutely love this song, the lyrics are quite abstract and all over the place with their imagery. I could pinpoint the general theme – working out a difficult romantic relationship – but it didn’t give me much to work with visually.
The music, on the other hand, has always evoked me a dynamic image of a couple somewhere in-between a dance and a fight: something coreographic that could encompass both a feeling of separation and an attempt at reconciliation.
With so little in mind, I sort of shelved the song to the back of the project to focus on more approachable concepts… until this happened.

Basically, when I had my nice shoot with Knajfer Wintermere and his handsome real-life boyfriend Riccardo, I mostly allowed them the freedom to just act naturally in front of the camera and be the beautiful couple they are. At some point I attempted to set up another Morphine photo which didn’t really work out, got frustrated over that and just let them fool around a little on their own. When I focussed back, there they were: Riccardo is a very atletic boy and was doing splits for the fun of it with Knajfer. There was just something about the intensity of their gaze that hit me in the face with all the power of the piano riff in the second half of the song, and I instantly knew this was what I wanted Pi to look like in my project. There, out of the music itself.
The prism / icosahedron was a last-minute postproduction idea I had to give a further link to the song lyrics and because sketches surreally overimposed on the photos are a recurring theme of sort in the project.

And so, that’s it: Knajfer and Riccardo basically pulled me over a potentially huge hitch in my project just by being an adorable couple. Which is precisely the reason why I’m saving so many photos for people who truly have feelings for each other: some things you cannot act, they have to come from the heart.

If You Follow

“As we met we didn’t know of yesterday,
Anything that wouldn’t paralyse your system.
Set a day I can break free,
Set a day on what you think I’m not existent.

Would you stay until the end?
We are growing older,
Every moment that I spend
Laying on your shoulder.
Would your fear contain the loss?
Would you ever regret?
I’ll forsake my second life
If you follow.

I apologise for what you’ve done to me,
And truly, I’m upset for giving up the distance.
Time collects its space to show me how to see
How deep in you I dwell – the deeper is my promise.

Would you stay until the end?
We are growing older,
Every moment that I spend
Laying on your shoulder.
Would your fear contain the loss?
Would you ever regret?
I’ll forsake my second life
If you follow.

Should I lose my mind instead?
Should I give you answers
If you forget to question fate?
We might be lonely dancers
Erasing any doubt,
And if your fear is stronger,
Disconnect the roots, find out
Where you belong.”

[ If You Follow – Leandra ]

So, what do you do when you’ve got a bunch of long-term projects that have slowed down lately, a few photos from said projects with a romantic undertone and a real-life couple posing for you? You sqeeze the hell out of it! That’s how I ended up with two photos for my Inspiration Hurts project and another two for Morphine. Come on, you don’t let a good occasion go to waste.
Basically, I had a nice shooting with my dear friend, fellow photographer and insanely pretty, photogenic boy Knajfer Wintermere (of Lullaby fame), and his real-life, equally pretty and photogenic boyfriend Riccardo. Among the couple photos I had sketched out and wanted to take was If You Follow: the basic idea was having one of the two in a more static pose and the other inviting him in some way, pretty basic and sticking to the song.

My original idea had the two of them posing on the oppisite sides of the beam, one facing away and the other going all “follow me” on him. I even have a couple of takes like that, but during this shooting I allowed much freedom to Knajfer and Riccardo because I wanted them to act as themselves, and one of the later takes on the photo ended up as what you see, with the two of them engaging each other while still being on opposite sides of the beam. And that’s what caught my eye: my basic idea was still there, but there’s such an exchange of energy in the picture that it trumped the more static vision I had in mind. Also, I like that it’s a bit ambiguous who’s inviting whom and who’ll follow.

So here we are, with a new work from the Isomorphine part of the series. Coming next, one from the Metamorphine side. Enjoy!

Angeldaemon

“I prefer to be an angel,
Angelflanger always,
Always on the run.
Capture souls and dreams and voices,
Noisy voices, rumours,
Rumours made undone.

Collect diseases, hungry virus,
Virus, spirals, branches,
Branches round the past.
But I am joking, I’m a demon,
Angeldaemon begging,
Begging you to trust.

Get up, my head, get up, my…
I’ve always seen your eyes open.
Get up, my mind, get up, my…
I’ve never heard you’ve spoken,
I’ve always seen you broken.

So progressive, so involving,
Sky’s emerging tumors,
Tumours, waves and stars.
Captured beings all exhausted,
Sky’s a virgin, phantoms,
Phantoms, all of us.

Collect diseases, hungry virus,
Virus, spirals, branches,
Branches round the past.
But I am joking, I’m a demon,
Angeldaemon begging,
Begging you to trust.

Get up, my head, get up, my…
I’ve always seen your eyes open.
Get up, my mind, get up, my…
I’ve never heard you’ve spoken,
I’ve always seen you broken,
I just kill the ghosts you’ve woken.”

[ Angeldaemon – Leandra ]

New work from my Morphine series, specifically from the Metamorphine part. Angeldaemon is one of the first Leandra songs with which I emotionally connected back in 2008 and it even poured into the very first photoshoot I did with a reflex exactly seven years ago. When I decided to do a cohesive visual rendition of both Leandra’s albums, this was one of the first ideas to come to my mind: my dearest BriarRose looking all sweet an innocent with a little nod to some kind of inner darkness, which I represented by surrounding her with black feathers, as if she had just hidden (but not completely) some black wings of sort. Compared to many other photos from this series, this one is quite simple and only has a touch of surrealism in the general concept: after all, Angeldaemon is basically a piano ballad with very little electronica, so I wanted to keep the corresponding photo as basic as I could. While the general idea was already clear in my mind, a few details came up when we were about to shoot: for instance, I only thought of a white-ish, abstract background but, while discussing the location with BriarRose, I realised a bed would work nicely. Also, I just wanted her to wear natural make up and something white, which turned specifically into the shirt with nothing else while we were tumbling through her wardrobe.
Side note here: I do really love working with BriarRose, but lately I’ve kind of been feel guilty when I’ve had her pose as a temptress / seductress / force of darkness of sort. Of course, she is very feminine and has a natural kind of sensuality, but I think it’s unfair and reductive that she gets so often typecast only as that: she can do so much more. Choosing her for this photo was immediate and instinctive on my part – she simply appeared in the image I visualised in my head – but now I realise that’s because I really know her and how sweet, cute a person she can really be off the set. Now, of course in the photo’s narrative that’s only a charade, but I’m glad I could show there’s so much more about BriarRose than a temptress, for a change.

Lullaby

“Listen to the angels’ scream.
‘Round your body cages rust.
So warm the venom in your veins,
You are there.

Are you ready to dream, my sweet boy?
Are you ready to dream, my sweet child?
Come with me and taste your flesh, boy.
Are you ready to sleep?

Do you wanna have a dream or two?
Do you wanna have a dream or two?
Do you wanna have a dream or two?
I don’t.
No, I don’t.

You will see the end of me
Taking your virginity.
So cute the worms inside your head.
Don’t be scared, don’t be scared.

Do you wanna have a dream or two?
Do you wanna have a dream or two?
Do you wanna have a dream or two?
I don’t.
No, I don’t, no!

Aah, aah… Aah, aah, aah, ooh…
No… have… eeh… ehh…
No… I have… wanna have… ooh… uuh…
…You’ll have a dream, you’ll have a dream…
…You’ll have, have a dream or…
…You wanna have a… a dream or two…”

[ Lullaby – Leandra ]

Fun fact: I risked missing my train to shoot this photo, but boy, was it worth it!

I’m not entirely sure if the idea for this photo predates or not that for a Morphine project as a whole, but of one thing I’m sure: since the first time I pictured it in my head, I knew I wanted Knajfer Wintermere to pose with me for this one. Also, it was one of the first ideas I came up with in regards of graphical depictions of Leandra’s music.

Let’s just say the basic idea, though, because what you can see was sort of improvised on the spot while we were shooting. Most of the things I had originally planned are there: Knajfer looking frightened as in a waking nightmare with his brain bleeding out of his nose; black clothes; a dimly lit, grungy background; and then me putting said waking nightmare in his head. In my original idea, though, I was just supposed to stand behind him with my hands on his head, kind of squeezing the nightmare into his mind like some sort of Incubus or mythological creature.

Then, while we were shooting, it dawned on me: this song is literally a lullaby – a very twisted, unsettling one; also, there’s something creepily sexy about it. What if I actually leaned down and started whispering it into my victim’s ear those words in a creepy-slash-sexy way? Boom! I tried it, I stood up, I looked at the camera miniscreen and there it was, the very photo I wanted. A reminder that no matter how much I plan a photo, when sudden gusts of inspiration hit, I just grab and inject them into the blend.

And so, here we are, it’s Wednesday, December 2nd 2015. Tomorrow is the day. The funny thing is, I have another Inspiration Hurts photo coming out after “the big deal”, but I’m scared to death of going on and then taking them. You too, be prepared, because they’re probably going to shock you – especially if you’ve been following me for some years now.

See you tomorrow, dearies.

Noisy Awareness

“Your unconscious, scarred, little space
In time’s old horizons.
Unlocking swooning voracity,
You raise obsession in between.
Sometimes you wither enchantment
In intimate gardens.
Each step of reserved delusion
Fertilises your fantasy.

You may enslave,
You may disgrace,
My will your fury may obtain.

In a rainy summer night
You’re making me nervous.
Through tomorrow, through my fights
You’re making me nervous.
In a wedding summer night
You’re taking the summer.
In a wedding summer night
You take me.

So wake up and forget the self
And you will fear nothing.
Cut anything out of your life
And you will fear nothing.
Be aware of risky transactions
And you will fear nothing.
So chase for abduction of duty
And you will fear nothing.
 
You may enslave,
You may disgrace,
My will your fury may obtain.

In a rainy summer night
You’re making me nervous.
Through tomorrow, through my fights
You’re making me nervous.
In a wedding summer night
You’re taking the summer.
In a wedding summer night
You take me.”

[ Noisy Awareness – Leandra ]

The downside of battling depression (which I’m currently at open war with) is a drastic reduction in artistic productivity, which has been particularly noticeable in the past months. The silver lining is it gives you that kind of haunted look which makes photos like this one stand out. So, at long last, here’s a new work from my Morphine series, specifically the Metamorphine half.
Noisy Awareness was the first song by Leandra I ever listened to back in 2008, and which made me fall in love with her music. While it already gave me a couple of bursts of inspiration even then, in time I came up with the mental image you can see above, closer to the story behind the song which Leandra wrote about a stalker. I’m pretty sure I already had this idea before 2013, when I decided to make a series out of Leandra’s two albums, so I included it directly into the poject, waiting for the right time to put it into action. The greatest difficulty, which delayed the photo until today, was the location I chose: I wanted the photo to be somewhat claustrophobic, so I decided the perfect place would be one of the alleys in the old town of Alghero. Heh, good luck finding a rainy summer afternoon to shoot it. Cloudy or rainy days, which would provide the diffuse light, are hard to come by in Sardinia during summer time, the only option not to get pneumonia while shooting outdoors all wet. I also didn’t really have any suitable male friends left here to play the stalker which, while blurry in the background, was a pivotal part of the photo. Well, today it finally rained (cats and dogs, I would say) and I had a co-model to work with, Davide of Atelier Davis, with whom I’d already shot earlier this summer. After a brief delay due to an unexpectedly sunny morning, the afternoon finally provided the right weather, so I set up the tripod and shot the photo.
Beside the obviously literal depiction of the lyrics, I’ve put some effort in the symbolism of this photo: firstly, the stalker is only a blurry shadow in the background to increase the feel of unease. Secondly, the main character in the photo is soaked in the rain while the stalker is safe under the umbrella to put the stalker in a less exposed place and convey a sense of vulnerability for the victim.
While I have no idea when I’ll be able to work some more on this project, I’ll leave you with the wonderful sketch I did yesterday night to show Davide what my idea was. Feel free to roll on the floor laughing your butts off!

Grace

“If you find yourself in sorrow,
It won’t heal no way.
So don’t you worry ‘bout tomorrow –
It will kill today.
If you don’t mind, if you, if you don’t mind,
I’ll keep you strong, I’ll keep you strong, eh.
If you don’t mind, if you, if you don’t mind,
I’ll keep you strong.

I drown in your grace,
So let me in.
You heal and deface –
I’m wrapped in.

So don’t you care about confusion,
It will gently disappear.
If you find some disillusion,
I’ll softly whisper in your ear,
“If you don’t mind, if you, if you don’t mind,
I’ll keep you strong, I’ll keep you strong, eh.
If you don’t mind, if you, if you don’t mind,
I’ll bring you home.”

I drown in your grace,
So let me in.
You heal and deface –
I’m wrapped in.”

[ Grace – Leandra ]

Back to surrealism with my Morphine series – again the Isomorphine half.

I bet you’re tired of reading it, but once again this is a months-old idea that I kicked myself into doing at long last. I really need some discipline when it comes to self-portraits, because I can’t go on writing down my ideas and waiting so long before developing them. Right, this time most of the stuff I needed was at my mother’s so I couldn’t shoot this photo in Trieste, but I’ve been here for almost two months now and waited until the last week before taking most of this photo – which really sucks on my part. The fact is, I like challenges (and realising this concept was indeed challenging), but tend to procrastinate facing them for as long as I can. See why I haven’t progressed with many of my long-term projects lately.
Anyways, the more surreal I get, the more layered my photos become. Both Mirrors of Decay needed blending a certain amount of photographs together, and so did Grace. After all, people don’t normally float upside-down in the woods like they do underwater, and they don’t usually breathe out soap bubbles; which means that I, my hair, the background and the bubbles are all separate photographs I merged together (I usually don’t reveal these tricks, but denying them would be pointless here).
The symbolism is a pretty direct rendition of the underlying metaphore in the lyrics. I took the idea of drowning in a brightly lit environment (representing “grace”) which is not truly liquid directly from the chorus: I wanted the drowning, but I also wanted it to be metaphorical. And I don’t have an underwater camera anyways. The biggest trick was to make my hair look as if it were really floating, which I downright stole from nDroae and was the primary reason I had to wait to be at my mother’s: I only have a shower in Trieste, not a bathtub. That was the first photo I shot. Since I needed to be there, I decided the background would be the Maria Pia pinewood in Alghero, and I also had my mother blow our brand new Hello Kitty soap bubbles in front of a black background rather than doing all by myself. And here is the final photograph.
But pretty much as always, thank you very much procrastination, for in hindsight the photo came in good time. This time not for purely artistic purposes, but because I actually have someone to dedicate this work and the accompaining song to. You know, as much as I try to be the bitchest of them all, the song is definitely in my character; it’s just been a while since I met someone in real need of psychological support and who’s truly worth the trouble actually no, they weren’t.
Oh, and also: the Hello Kitty soap bubbles are totally my mother’s fault, she bought them. I had a good laugh, but they are not referencing anyone or anything.

Revenge

“I’ll hush.
May you ride the horse that throws you down.
All ash.
May justice pay the price of your crown.
Save me from myself.
Save me from myself.
Save me from myself.
Save me, please.

Why are you digging my bones?
It seems so predictable.
I cannot be on my own.
Under your manic control
I’m starving and begging to finally
Get a life. Leave me alone.

My dear, I’ve heard you
Banging your head against the wall.
Annoy me
Like you annoy the dark upon the arch.
Save me from myself.
Save me from myself.
Save me from myself.
Save me, please.

Why are you digging my bones?
It seems so predictable.
I cannot be on my own.
Under your manic control
I’m starving and begging to finally
Get a life. Leave me alone.”

[ Revenge – Leandra ]

Here is a new photo from the Isomorphine half of my Morphine series.
This photo has the distinction of being the first and so far only one from this project which does not have a surreal theme. As surrealism just happens to be one of the recurring themes in the series, and not one of its aesthetic standpointes, I didn’t have to necessarily include it if it didn’t fit. This song is mostly emotive and written with abstract metaphores that apply to real life situations, rather than inside somebody’s mind, so it didn’t call for surrealism.
As always, I got most of the inspiration from the lyrics of the song: they are about a disfunctional relationship which is going to end soon, so I had to emphasise this sense of separateness. I also got further inspiration from the music of the song: Leandra is a masterful pianist and this is one of the songs in her second album which shows it the most, so I thought it was fair to have a piano in the photo. This standpoint helped me define the imagery, together with one of the lines that caught my attention the most, the “I heard you banging your head against the wall” part in the second verse, which I wanted to include somehow. Thus I potrayed the separation with one of the characters pursuing his own business in an attempt to feel free after he grew cold in the relationship, and the other standing in the background almost unnoticed, in despair and banging his head for the regret of having reached such a sour point in the relationship. The general mood of the song is bitter and resentful but rather calm, which is the same feeling I wanted to convey with my photo: the slow death of sentiments when two people slowly become strangers under the same roof.
The shoot for this photo was set up very quickly: I found out my friend Eliseo had a classical-styled piano, so I quickly arranged to meet him and take the photo. Shooting was a bit difficult because the day was hot and wet and I had very little space to set the tripod and couldn’t see what was going on through the lens. It took a few attempts, but at very last we did it. It also took me near a month to postproduce this photo because of my mild depression issues and lots of work to do, both translations and commissioned photos, but at last here we are.
Funny unimportant side note: I was actually playing Exodus by Evanescence because that’s the only thing I remember how to play on the piano.

Coloured

“Remember, do you?
Do you remember?
Do you remember
As you flew around the corner
On a flying carpet,
As I woke, I woke up
In this dreamless metabolic forest?
Do you remember?
Do you remember?

Then there was your cup of ideas.
I thought you were intended for advices,
For advices from wheresoever,
And I dropped my volition in dull judges
And you see what comes out
When we hypnotise our whatever,
Whatever it is meant to be.
(Whatever it is meant).

Your dream is not coloured,
I think you should get back in time.
Your dream is not coloured,
You’ve never ordered me to draw a line.
Your dream is not coloured,
I think you should get back in time.
Your dream is not coloured.
Your dream is not coloured,
I’ll get you neither a pillow nor a blanket.
Your dream is not coloured.

Then there was a light,
And what a monkey business,
Monkey busyness,
A monkey business
From wheresoever
I dropped my volition and doubting,
(What a monkey busyness)
And you see what comes out,
What comes out.
And you see what comes out,
What comes out,
When we...

Your dream is not coloured,
I think you should get back in time.
Your dream is not coloured,
You’ve never ordered me to draw a line.
Your dream is not coloured,
I’ll get you neither a pillow nor a blanket to define,
Your dream is not coloured,
So give me the finest paintbrush
Dived in sweeping shine,
The finest paintbrush
Dived in sweeping shine.”

[ Coloured – Leandra ]

New Morphine work, this time from Metamorphine. For some reasons, when I first listened to the album, this song went relatively unnoticed; with more listens, it opened a whole new world of imagery and I came to really love it. Thus, the idea for this work is quite new compared to many other Metamorphine concepts, especially because back in 2008 I would have never imagined this kind of postproduction, as purchasing a graphic tablet was not even close to my plans; nor was getting a bj-doll, for that matter.

The main reason behind the somewhat child-like imagery in this photo is that the song itself sounds like a nursery rhyme of sort (a real, non-twisted one), including soothing rhythmic onomatopoeiae. This, combined with the prominent oneiric theme in the lyrics, made me think of a man-child drawing his dreams into reality. You might find certain similarities with Switchblade, and I honestly don’t know which idea came first. Both photos have butterflies and magic swirls of colour originating from something, which represent the inner world of the subject that overlaps with the “real world”. But I don’t think one harms the other, as they represent something completely different – love in one case, dreams and fantasy in the other. Another thing, which I realised just after finishing the work, is I basically used the same colours as Naberius’ “magical paint” for the dreamy stuff in here. I honestly didn’t think of that, it’s just how I visualised the image in my mind, so I guess those hues are planted somewhere in my subconscious as a visual manifestation of one’s inner world.
The theme of childhood, specifically a child in the body of an adult, is also prominent in the official video of the song, which includes Leandra playing with a doll: I paid homage to that by including Ludwig in the picture. I was undecided whether to set the photo in my own room to give a further nod to the video, or in a “dreamless metabolic forest” as in the lyrics, and I ultimately opted for the latter to give it a lighter feel (the song is quite light compared to many others in the record) and because the green of the trees would look amazingly rich with the Metamorphine colour filter I am using. And because the photo now represents me bringing dreams to the dreamless forest.

The idea is a few months old, but I shot it just last week because I was hoping to get some assistance with it. As I couldn’t find any, I resolved to do everything by myself, from going (by bus) to the intended location to setting up the camera with the timer on a tripod, keeping an eye on Ludwig so he wouldn’t fall and break, and so on. It took me several takes (and a lot of sweating, goddamn July) to get the right image, but the result exceeds my highest expectations and makes me especially proud. The postproduction was quite smooth as I had a very clear idea of what I wanted to get, so here we go, with a swarm of butterflies flying directly out of my head.

The Narcissist Song

“Hello again, it’s me
Whispering noises in your ear.
I’m the voice you can’t ignore,
I’m the born that you don’t want to hear,
I’m the choice that you regret,
The army that you led.
I’m the branch within your eye,
I’m the stalker, I’m the spy.

And my mum has told me never to go out,
And the daughter should have never screamed and shouted.
And the grave you dig me never will be found.
Take the best from me – never strike it down.

Please, write a book about yourself:
You’ve deserved the attention.
The dramas you live through
Are those to be mentioned.
Threw everything in flames.
The world’s on fire
To suffocate my name,
Identities I want to hire.

And my mum has told me never to go out,
And the daughter should have never screamed and shouted.
And the grave you dig me never will be found.
Take the best from me – never strike it down.”

[ The Narcissist Song – Leandra ]

Here we go again with the Morphine series, Isomorphine part. I have to admit that thematically it is very close to the two Mirrors Of Decay, as all three works feature me as the model and mirrors. In the case of The Narcissist Song, though, there are other reasons: the mirror is meant to represent the idea of narcissism and I decided to model myself because… well, with such a title this song has to be mine. There is also a certain degree of surrealism as the reflection is different from the “real” world: this choice was made because I wanted to represent the subtle creepiness of the melody, creating a somewhat disquieting image. Also, the two figures act differently: the “real” me is more insecure, with the diary (the “book about yourself”) closed to keep the secrets, while the reflection looks more cocky and holds the open diary to represent narcissism and the deserved attention. Finally, the lit candle represents a sort of homage to the self. My original concept included the addition of some painted daffodils in my hair, but I eventually scrapped the idea because the photo was already very rich in details.
The concept for this work was born the first time I listened to the song: the mirror in the corridor of my house in Trieste with the two lamps on both sides fit perfectly the idea, so it was quite immediate. On a side note, I shot the photo before the Easter break with the help of my mother, DamaInNero, who had come to Trieste for a short visit. We shot the photo in about five minutes right before going to the airport to fly back at her place for the holidays, so I wasn’t even sure the outcome would be good. Fortunately it is and after postproducing it I’m totally in love with this photo!

Divergent Mirrors Of Decay

“You told me how to get myself prepared.
It’s like your freedom, but reversible.
So please, take me home again, my friend.
As long as you’re invincible
And partly not inflammable,
I thought you were convincible, my friend.

And I lie and I lie.
I’m my own believer.
Shall you burn, shall you die,
My self-conscious gleaner?
And you’re blind, and you’re blind.
Celebrating glory,
Get inside on my side.
Searching some fairy traps,
Here you kill, here you hide.
My imprisoned beauty,
You can struggle, you can fight.
And ‘cause your screams are muted,
Run away, run away.
If you’re tired to decide,
I’m afraid, I’m afraid
To lose reality.

Heroic is not what you used to be.
Sometimes you smell like you dig carefully.
So I am, you never start to change.
You cannot gain.
As long as you’re inflammable,
Convinced you’re not invincible,
You part my way to take me home again.

And I lie and I lie.
I’m my own believer.
Shall you burn, shall you die,
My self-conscious gleaner?
And you’re blind, and you’re blind.
Celebrating glory,
Get inside on my side.
Searching some fairy traps,
Here you go, here you hide.
My imprisoned beauty,
You can struggle, you can fight.
‘Cause our screams are muted,
Run away, run away.
If you’re tired to decide,
I’m afraid, I’m afraid
To lose reality.”

[ Divergent Mirrors Of Decay – Leandra ]

Here is the second work from my Morphine series and first from the Isomorphine part. Again, the last song goes first because I needed to use this table mirror, which is at my mother’s.

This photo was born as a twin sister to Inverted Mirrors Of Decay, since the titles of the two songs are very similar. While it might seem somewhat less surreal than its sister with no upside-down reflection, there is actually no way two mirrors pointing to opposite directions might actually reflect someone sitting in the middle, so it still fits into the category. And the burning reflection does as well.
Similarly to the other Mirror, the lyrics of this song are very complex and and filled with mostly obscure metaphors, so I decided to get most of the inspiration from the title itself and throw a few nods to the rest of the songs such as the fire, which also contrasts with the liquid theme on the other Mirror. Again, given the shortage of mirrors and different angles to take into account, there are about five different images blended into one, which required a massive help from DamaInNero and quite a lot of postproduction, which I handled smoothly due to careful planning since before the actual shoot. Indeed, the planning is what made this work so fun and challenging, as everything had to work accordingly in order for the whole to turn out nice. I think I’m going for such complex pictures again in the future, in the end they are very rewarding.

Inverted Mirrors Of Decay

“Two mice I saw are drowned in butter,
‘Cause neither he’s wise nor he’s wiser.
Two mice I saw are drowned in butter,
‘Cause neither he’s wise nor his parents.

Two eyes I shut to see you closer.
Why did you bath in muddy waters?
Inside I feel you’re my disposer,
Outside there’s nothing to hide from but you.

Tonight I died of my reflection.
I suddenly fell into milk and
Been kicking and screaming
To tie the ball of my projection,
So guess what a mouse had turned out to be.

And I’m drowning, I’m drowning
I’m drowning, I’m drowning,
I’m drowning…

Wake up.
Why are you so predictable?
Beautiful morning
Sounds like our minds can be so invincible.
Follow the warning sign.
It could be mine, it could be mine.

And I die for deserving a swim through your river.
I’m calling the ghosts of the certain deceiver, and I’m
Burning the hay. Oh, I will find the needle.
I drown in the water. The water is me, but I
Know that I’m eager to choke the results
Of particular cravings, of hunger, of thirst,
Of polemic embraces. Oh, comfort my tongue
While they dress and uncover and write you a song for them.
I will not sigh and I will not enchant you.
You’ve covered me blind for translations to hide to arise you.
I run from the shadow, the shadow is mine to despise you.
We’re running out of time.”

[ Inverted Mirrors Of Decay – Leandra ]

So, here is the first work from my Morphine series, specifically from the Metamorphine part. I’m starting from the last track on the album because I only have the table mirror at my mother’s house and I would have to wait until god knows when if I didn’t get the chance now.

As I mentioned while introducing the project, there is going to be a lot of surreal imagery, and this is a primary example of that. I also wrote that I had a few ideas about the Metamorphine songs since I first listened to the album, but I never quite tried to turn them into actual photographs. Inverted Mirrors Of Decay is one of those, and one of the reasons I decided to kick off the project was the fact I could do two parallel images with this one and Divergent Mirrors Of Decay.
To be honest, the lyrics are quite surreal themselves and way too full of imagery to be wholly represented in a single photo, so I decided to stick to a more general concept and draw mainly from the title to create the image. The idea is the dear old “the mirror reflects something different” twisted in order to fit the title, so I’m basically sitting there while the two mirrors give back something totally different. I decided to add a bowl of milk to strengthen the connection with the lyrics and I had quite a lot of fun playing with the upside-down reflection, both with the hair and the spilling liquid. As I only had one mirror and had to shoot the reflections from different angles, the final image is made up of a total of about six photos put together, so the tripod and the assistance of my mother, DamaInNero, were extremely helpful to get everything right. The postproduction was quite massive, too, but as I had mapped out all I needed to do from the beginning it wasn’t beyond my abilities.
Of course, as I was handling the props I shot Divergent Mirrors Of Decay the very same day, so it’s coming soon.

Morphine: presentation of the project

I feel kind of guilty whenever I start a new project without completing any of the ongoing ones. But you know, inspiration strikes in the most unexpected moments and I have to do something before it fades.

Recently, Belarusian-German singer and pianist Leandra released her sophomore album, called Isomorphine, six years after her debut, Metamorphine. Both albums are incredibly good and the apparent connection between the two titles instantly intrigued me. Also, the songs on Isomorphine are extremely inspirational and I immediately started having a bunch of ideas about them; I had tons of ideas about Metamorphine too when I first heard it, back in 2008, but at the time I didn’t even have my first reflex, let alone any means to fully develop them. So I decided to resurrect a few of those old, shelved ideas, combine them with the new ones and and poof, I had enough material to kick off a new series rather than taking unrelated photos.

Leandra’s songs are very unique both musically and lyrically: the two albums sound different, with Metamorphine being more darkwave and classical-oriented while Isomorphine is more synthpop and dance-oriented, but Leandra’s distinctive songwriting makes many songs somewhat lullaby-ish… in a twisted way. Both her melodies and lyrics have certain qualities that give a nursery rhyme feel, but one that lulls you into nightmares rather than a peaceful sleep (she even wrote a downright hell-like song explicitly called Lullaby). This sort of dark, oneiric quality inspired me with lots of surreal imagery: many of the works will thus have some twist that makes the image unrealistic or possibly even unsettling, which will of course require a great deal of postproduction. Another stylistic standpoint which I have already clear is the colour filters I will use. I think both album covers perfectly convey the general feel of the songs, so I will be paying homage to them by adopting two colour schemes for the two halves of the project: the Metamorphine half will be greenish and the Isomorphine half pinkish. This will give a further sense of homogeneity to the series while allowing me to develop each work as a stand-alone piece, and will require me to plan everything in the photos, from the lights to the colours in them, in order for this kind of postproduction to be fitting.

I’ve started 2014 with a big shoot for two works from this project, one from Metamorphine and the other from Isomorphine. I am currently postproducing the first, which is due to be published tomorrow. I hope being so productive on New Year’s Day will bring me luck for the whole 2014, so wish me luck and enjoy Leandra’s music while watching my upcoming photos!