Friday, 15 April 2016

Venus In Gemini, Lilith In Libra

Venus In Gemini, Lilith In Libra by GothicNarcissusRule number one
Is that you gotta have fun,
But baby, when you’re done,
You gotta be the first to run.
Rule number two,
Just don’t get attached to
Somebody you could lose,
So le-let me tell you.

Rule number three,
Wear your heart on your cheek,
But never on your sleeve,
Unless you wanna taste defeat.
Rule number four,
Gotta be looking pure,
Kiss him goodbye at the door
And leave him wanting more, more.

This is how to be a heartbreaker.
Boys, they like a little danger.
We’ll get him falling for a stranger, a player
Singing, ‘I lo-lo-love you’.
How to be a heartbreaker.
Boys, they like the look of danger.
We’ll get him falling for a stranger, a player
Singing, ‘I lo-lo-love you –
At least I think I do!’

[ How To Be A Heartbreaker – Marina & The Diamonds ]

Funny story #1: a few years ago, while I was still in full goth mode, a friend of mine kept commenting that my photos were soooo gay, and I was ever soooo gay when I posed. Now, she’s a bit of a fag hag herself, so I never took that as a homophobic remark of sort; I think she mostly meant I really overdid the make up and frilly outfit things. But of course, insecure as I am, that comment took roots in my mind and I’ve sort of tried to tone the thing down ever since – and because I had no intentions of giving up the goth outfits back then, it ended up affecting the way I pose. Conversely, last year a very dear friend of mine told me that I was a bit stiff in my photos, as if I were afraid to express too much. This made me ponder deeply and I got to the conclusion that I was indeed holding back because, whenever I posed, I had this little voice in my head saying, “This is going to look too gay” and I listened to it too much.
Well, news flash, I am gay so hell, it is kind of bound to show in my photos somehow. Do I really need to hold back for whatever reason? Nope. If I like the idea I’m developing and the final result too, there’s no such thing as “too gay”. After all, I’m not hiding anything: I’m out and about, so what was I really trying to achieve? Meet the taste of one single person who’s not me. Well, I’m really trying hard to be more selective when it comes to constructive vs. pointless criticism: this photo, which I utterly love, is one more step down that route.
Funny story #2: this concept was born out of frustration after a boy has dramatically declared that he’s severely disappointed by my lack of interest in him, because apparently I don’t live up to the idealised, romantic, cuddly version of me he had made up in his head after a couple of chats. Well, honey, I’m sorry, I’m just not a romantic person: next time, try and get to know me better before you get a crush. That’s just the way I am. So, if we want to blame it on something, I’d point to my natal chart: I’ve got Venus in Gemini, which basically means I live relationships on a cerebral level with scarce emotional connections, and Lilith in Libra, which means that I pay much attention to the looks of potential sexual partner. Sorry, I’m shallow and heartless: if you don’t either look good or form a strong intellectual bond with me, there’s no game. And don’t expect me to go down the sweet-talk path anytime soon.
Now, I don’t really believe in astrology, I’d rather just toy around with it, but that much about me is very fitting. I wanted to vent out all that roll-eye-ness and this is how I did it.
Is the photo too pink? Am I a heartbreaker? W h a t e v e r , ‘cause I love it.

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