Funeral Bell

“Oh mother, I’m scared to die.
Where, where do my good deeds lie?
Oh father, I’m scared to live,
Takes more than I’ve got to give.
Oh sister, my voice is weak.
Oh brother, I long for sleep.
Oh hunger, I know you well,
My cruel friend is a funeral bell.

And it rings in the day and it rings in the evening.
Oh, I could pray but it won’t stop you leaving.
Shadow in black, you are grim from your reaping.
Oh, can’t you spare just a day for the weeping?

Oh lover, I know you’re there
And I’d follow you anywhere.
Oh, give me a hand to hold
So that I may face the cold.

‘Cause it rings in the day and it rings in the evening.
Oh, I could pray but it won’t stop you leaving.
Shadow in black, you are grim from your reaping.
Oh, can’t you spare just a day for the weeping?
Oh, can’t you spare just a day for the weeping?”

[ Funeral Bell – Phildel ]

Twelfth and final work from The Disappearance Of The Girl.
First things first: I really admire Phildel for writing this song. It’s neither a glamourisation of suicide like many shallow, big-lipped popstars out there do, nor an overly dramatic romantisation of it like many goth bands do. It’s a genuine, intimate, realistic outlet for thoughts and feelings about it: the fear of dying, the fear of keeping on living, the reasons for choosing one. I can’t say I relate to that because I have never been seriously suicidal, but from where I stand it seems very deep and is totally heartwrecking.

For all those reasons, I decided to leave any drama out of the image and go fully allegorical with a quiet, static composition aking to figurative painting. Each element you see is a symbol: the cemetery represents the thoughts of death, the wall is the edge where you have to make a decision; the blindfold is the fear, while Luisa holding the marble plate, which I was saving for a rainy day, represent the final acceptance of both death, life and their connection to one another, namely the cypress and the Ouroboros surrounding it. On the one hand, I wish I could incude a bell as well, but maybe this is for the best, at it would have been a bit redundant and distracting.

So here we go, a full twelve-photo series shot in two afternoons and published all at once, which for me is quite a record. In hindsight, it’s a bit funny how I pulled out some of my most gothic-looking photos in ages from the ethereal music of a singer like Phildel. I’m really satisfied with this project as it really helped me develop a visual language unique for each work, ranging from fairytale-like to very dark, while retaining some sort of coherence among all the works. This will surely help me go forward with my other long-termi series, some of which I’m picking up right now. Thanks to everyone who supported and gave me feedback for these photos but, most importantly, to Luisa: without her, none of this would have been possible. Not with such an emotional depth, anyways. When you hold a project very dear, it is important to work with somebody who loves it just as much: this is another lesson I’ve learned from this series.