Thursday, 3 December 2015

GothicNarcissus changes his look

I guess it’s sort of silly to write a blog entry explaining why I decided to have my hair cut short but, considering what a great part of my artistic image it’s been, I think it might not harm to provide a bit of insight about my decision.
To put it simple: I just fell out of love with my long hair in any way you could imagine. Lately it had become like one of those exhausted relationships that drag on out of sheer habit: you’re totally dissatisfied with it but you keep wallowing in it because changes scare the hell out of you and you’re afraid you might miss the old routine. That’s unhealthy because that way you miss any opportunities that might be waiting outside. How does that translate to having long hair?
Well, on a practical, everyday-life standpoint, mantainance was a bitch. I had to plan my time according to when I would be washing it because it took a godawful amont of time to dry properly, not to mention masks, henna and whatever it took to keep it healthy. Besides, Yahweh just had to be a dick and create the universe in a prime number of days, so I just couldn’t have fixed days with a regular amount of time in-between washes, I had to improvise every week when I would be doing all the routine. I’m trying to realise how many things are making my life more difficult to live, and being nervous to go out just because my hair is a mess and I don’t have time to wash it quickly surely doesn’t help. Besides, in the last months I’ve basically never worn my hair down except specifically for some photos. In everyday life, I’ve always kept it either tied up in a ponitail or collected in a chignon in public, or messily pinned up with a hairclip when at home. Also, let’s be honest – and girls will agree: hair accessories are impractical during sex, while hair down just keeps gettin in the way. All in all, I just wanted it out of the way as much as possible, so at some point I started wondering, what’s the point in keeping it long if it’s more of an annoyance than a thing to enjoy?
From an artistic point of view, I hate stagnation and like to experiment with my look. Unfortunately, when you’re a long-haired man, there’s only a handful of possible options to have your hair tied up, which gets particularly frustrating when you’re a period look enthusiast like I am. Most of the fancy hairdos are either strictly feminine or very impractical, or have subculture-specific connotations which I don’t feel mine. Now yes, I do give a big middle finger to gender conventions and all, but I am male, I identify as such and want to look the part. I wouldn’t go out – or pose – sporting a topknot, a curtain hair, a fingerwaved faux-bob, snoods, victory rolls, beehives or stuff like that. On the other hand, short hair gives me a wide range of possibilities to explore, from the Thirties waxed style to the Fourties pompadour to basically anything. Also, short hair allows me to play around with eye make up without looking like a goth stereotype or downright a girl. Aesthetically, for the kind of works I’m aiming for, a man-in-make-up look is more interesting and compelling than an androgynous one, especially because I already have ambiguous facial features.
Finally, and more importantly, I just feel the need to change. Lady Gaga says, “I am my hair” , which is very true to me. Until this morning, my hair felt like a big burden, something that kept getting tangled and slowing me down, and I frankly don’t want to be that anymore. Right now I’m in a very cheerful mood and I feel relieved and confident. This is definitely a change that I needed and it turned out to be much more positive than I expected.

1 comment:

  1. Wow... what a change! Good luck with your new look! A small tip of regret for this beautiful hair that you knew so well put in value... but these are your hair and your choices. And if you feel confident, that's a good thing !