Wave Your Flags

“What do I do? What do I do
Here in the darkness with you, with you?

Sit me down, hold me back before we crash.
Give it up, skin and blood, this is love.
Carry me, lock to key, lightning speed.
Halfway back, wave, wave your flags.

‘Cause it’s speeding up.
Sacrifice yourself for love.
Weightless as the Moon,
I can’t stop this taking off too soon.

What do I do? What do I do
Here in the darkness with you, with you?

Sit me down, hold me back before we crash.
Give it up, skin and blood, this is love.
Carry me, lock to key, lightning speed.
Halfway back, wave, wave your flags.

Have you hid enough,
Camouflaged yourself from love?
Hard to make it stop,
Hard to slow what’s speeding up.

What do I do? What do I do
Here in the darkness with you, with you?

Sit me down, hold me back before we crash.
Give it up, skin and blood, this is love.
Carry me, lock to key, lightning speed.
Halfway back, wave, wave your flags, ah,
Wave your flags, ah,
Wave your flags,
Wave your flags.”

[ Wave Your Flags – Phildel ]

Here we are at the title track of the album, and third photo from the series.

Wave Your Flags is perhaps the photo that was most transformed, in my head, by the decision of taking the series from Trieste to Alghero, due to not having my studio lights and wooden floor. Also, I now realise that I envisioned my original idea as a moving image, the subjects sitting still back-to-back under the “flag” and a cone of light, while the PoV revolves around them, which I don’t know how well would have translated to a still image. Also, while the old idea was more sombre and dark and matched the general tone of the lyrics, in hindsight I prefer the more light, optimistic approach that the titular flag-waving gives off.

One thing I decided to apply to the project in general, and this photo in particular, was to streamline the concepts: rather than trying to include as many images and metaphors from the lyrics as I could, I just decided to give a general impression of them according to the general theme, overall mood of the song, and often the title itself. I like layering the symbolism in my images, but on the one hand sometimes less is more, and on the other I’ve learned to plan according to contingency: I had to squeeze about fifteen photoshoots into a narrow timeframe, each had to be as quick and effortless as possible.

And thus, here is Luisa literally waving her flag in the breeze. Simple, hopefully effective, with a stylish outfit to enhance the general aesthetics and minimal but concrete background to ground the photo in reality.

On a side note, we’re publishing the photos in the same order as a tracklist, and we started last Friday, with Saturday as a gap to allow Luisa to travel back home without having to mind social media. Also, Luisa’s scarf, which we used as the titular flag, just so happened to be blue. And last but not least, Luisa is very, very passionate about football.

This coincidence made it so the photo of Luisa waving her blue flag was released just today, in the wake of Italy’s national team winning the Euro 2020 cup. It has now doubled as a celebration for Luisa and seriously, there could be no amount of foresight that could have made it all click as smoothly as it did!

Electric Heights

“Electric heights,
I’m a dizzy spell away from getting close to you.
I was alive
With the things I never really thought that you could do.
Can’t compromise:
When I think about the chance, I had to make it work.
I wanna die
From the ways I never really thought that it would hurt.

But now I’m begging you for something
That I thought I’d never want.
Tears me to the ground,
This is the apex of your hunt.

I prayed I’d have something that you’d still need,
I’d have something that you’d still want,
But now, finding you gone, I see
I was alive.

I was alive
But there were too many flags on the sand,
Too many eyes,
I never really thought that you would be my man.
Electric heights,
I’m a dizzy spell away from getting close to you.
I wanna die
From the things I never really thought that you could do.

Sight before sound, and I’m left there, oh.
Sight before sound, and I’m left there, oh,
Begging you, needing to,
Begging you, needing to…

I prayed I’d have something that you’d still need,
I’d have something that you’d still want,
Oh, now finding you gone, I see
I was alive.”

[ Electric Heights – Phildel ]

In my entry for Storm Song, the second photo from the other project, I wrote that it was quite a quick concept to come up with. Well, nothing like the second song from this album, Electric Heights, which was a much tougher one to crack. I perceive the song as quite sexual and intimate in nature, in a way that I didn’t think would work well with only one model, and that I wouldn’t be comfortable acting in a supporting capacity. As a result, this was one of the two photos I hadn’t written down by the time I sent the final notes to Luisa, so she was the one to come up with concept instead. She suggested a quite literal interpretation of the title, with herself atop a height of some sort and lightning in the sky. By this point, weather forecasts were already precise enough to consistently signal clouds on at least one day while she was here, so it was a viable concept and I decided to go with it.

While pondering possible locations, I immediately thought of this modern-looking stairway which I’ve been wanting to use in some photo for a long time: I thought it’s fit well with the posh, synthpop-ish sound of the song. On a side note, the top of it is the place where I shot both works of my Wandering Stars project, as around sunset or late afternoon it has a perfectly and mostly unobstructed back light that’s easy to work with; I’ve also shot another photo from this project there.

The photo is actually a composite because I thought the lights on the sides of the stairs would look cool and add to the concept but, of course, were switched off during the day. I thus went back and shot them separately at night from the same perspective, and then overimposed them on the original image. As I imagined, the final effect loos quite cool. I also drew the lightnings with my tablet because we don’t have many thunderstorms here, so what was I to do about it?

As for the styling, Luisa’s beautiful Trussardi dress with shiny diamond prints was the natural choice to further evoke something sparkly and electric.

So here it is, Electric Heights. It wasn’t an easy concept to pull off and I tried to make up for that with strong visuals. I hope you enjoy it!

The Deep

“Give up
Or love me for the things I’m not,
Because
I won’t let this turn to dust
On us, no.

Creatures of the darkness know
How to keep the lights low.
Creatures of the darkness know
How to keep the lights low.

Just give me a sign ‘cause it runs through my mind like your heat.
Caught in the web, you’re so easily led to the deep.
Falling behind ‘cause it runs through my mind like a need.
Caught in the web, you’re so easily led to the deep.

This love,
You know that I’d call it off,
But I can’t, I can’t
Give up,
‘Cause you know I was made for us,

I can’t give up.

Just give me a sign ‘cause it runs through my mind like your heat.

Caught in the web, you’re so easily led to the deep.
Falling behind ‘cause it runs through my mind like a need.
Caught in the web, you’re so easily led to the deep.

Creatures of the darkness know
How to keep the lights low.
Creatures of the darkness know
How to keep the lights low.”

[ The Deep – Phildel ]

The Deep is the opener of the new album, much like The Disappearance Of The Girl was for the previous one. Similarly, the two photos serve as an introduction to the respective projects.

Given this link, I decided to envision The Deep as the polar opposite of The Disappearance Of The Girl: while the latter portrayed Luisa as disappearing into the light, away from the viewer and with closed eyes, The Deep would have her emerging from the darkness towards the viewer and engaging them directly with both her gesture and gaze. Not only would it lin the two projects somehow, but conceptually it would also work perfectly with the lyrics and the seductive mood of the song. It was one of the first and easiest concepts I came up with in regards of the project, including a blueish colour wash, dramatic lighting from the side, a slightly downwards perspective and Luisa in a light-coloured outfit to stand out from the background.

One thing I wanted to experiment with was creating a natural gradient on Luisa’s dress, which I achieved by layering some black tulle on her rose skirt: a combination of short field of depth and progressively fuller netting made her fade into the background while also providing some texture.

Speaking of texture, I usually leave some from the backdrop, or add some subtle one when I have big dark areas such as this one; in this case, I decided to make the darkness as smooth and empty as possible to let it be as important a part of the photo as the model herself, to further dive a sense of depth or an abyss. I hope it worked out well!

Wave Your Flags: presentation

At last, the time has come: the moment Phildel released a sequel to her amazing 2013 debut album, The Disappearance Of The Girl, I knew my dear friend Luisa and I would reunite to make our own sequel to our 2014 photographic project of the same name. It was just a matter of time. Honestly, we would have done a project on The Glass Ghost too, if it weren’t extremely impractical to organise, what with it being a winter-themed EP and both of us living in places that lack substantial or reliable snowfalls – and even then, we haven’t ruled it out altogether yet. But Wave Your Flags doesn’t need snow, so last year we started talking about it much more concretely. Finally, we decided that, once the covid crisis was over or at least manageable, we’d meet up and shoot the project.

Now, Wave Your Flags the album came out in 2019 and we had to wait until now to make something with it because, you guess it, covid.

Truth be told, though, not only  did the pandemic postpone the shoot, it also did directly shape the series considerably. Luisa got vaccinated much sooner than I did and, when we were talking early logistics, there was no way of knowing when I’d get my own shot yet. Since visiting me in Trieste or Alghero wasn’t that big of a difference to her, I decided to invite her to Sardinia – which would also allow us to take advantage of the much prettier sea here for the three sea-related songs in the album. If I had been in Trieste or had the possibility to go back there sooner, a considerable part of the series would have looker much, much different and I would have had to conceptualise around the lack of pretty-looking beaches there.

Speaking of covid, I also want to emphasise that we only started discussing logistics concretely once Luisa was fully vaccinated and there were tentative talks of my age group getting the shot in my own region: I wouldn’t have put her at risk of being in public without a mask, or sharing a home with an unvaccinated me – let alone travelling at all! – if that hadn’t been the case. The whole series was realised after both Luisa and my mother, who often assisted us, were fully vaccinated, and I got the first dose and had at least partial protection. Also, over two weeks had passed for all of us, meaning we’d given time to our immune systems to produce enough antibodies. As frustrating as this pandemic is for many artists, especially performers, personally I will never, ever put anyone’s health at risk just to get a good photo.

As for the project itself, I have to admit it was a very rewarding but also challenging experience on all fronts. First off, I had to really push against general anxiety and depression to get the creative juices flowing when conceptualising the images; it took me longer than usual to do so, but fortunately Luisa provided considerable input for songs I was less sure about and that part worked out eventually. I was also afraid I’d be rusty after over a year of almost only taking self-portraits, but that turned out not to be the case: there was no shaky hands, no flimys focus, no particular trouble with cropping and framing… muscle memory didn’t fail me at all!

Finally, the nature of the project – eleven pictures that share a common origin, but must otherwise work as individual pieces, each with its own character and mood – made it so it wasn’t, like, I could just do one big shoot and pick eleven photos out of it, but rather eleven individual shoots (plus a few non-related ones) that should yield one photo each! And each needed its own preparation, styling, often different locations and light conditions, all squeezed in a four-day time frame.

It was tyring but now, with all photos taken and post-produced, I can wholeheartedly say it was completely worth it: Wave Your Flags is one of the projects I’m proudest of in my entire catalogue!

One final thing I feel like saying is that it helped a lot to work with a model that could bring along a huge and diverse wardrobe: we had plenty of outfits to choose from, so each photo could be styled differently according to its own mood and concept. We ended up reusing one outfit twice because it worked well with two concepts (while other outfits remained unused), but it was simply the best choice for both works.

And that’s pretty much it as for the project in general. I’ll discuss each photo more in detail with individual posts, like I did with The Disappearance Of The Girl. I sincerely hope you all enjoy the photos, as much effort was put into them by all those involved. And don’t forget to go check Phildel’s music out: she’s an endless source of inspiration!

Mercury

Mercury, the planet of communication, intellect, curiosity, understanding and expression.

The third Personal Planet, it represents all the ways people express themselves, communicate with one another, approach knowledge and process information. It also represents nervous breakdowns, indecisiveness and over-analysis to keep under check.

Ruler of Gemini and Virgo, it has its exaltation in Virgo, fall in Leo and Pisces, detriment in Sagittarius.

Its glyph represents Hermes’ caduceus and winged petasos, and its meaning is Spirit connecting Matter and Soul.

Okay, as you might know, I’m a Gemini: it’s no wonder, then, that I have a natural affinity with anything about Mercury or Hermes. Favourite planet in astronomy? Mercury! Favourite Greek god? Hermes? Favourite Sailor Senshi? Sailor Mercury (and the Outers, but that’s another matter)! Sexiest character in Blood of Zeus? Hermes! Favourite one in Lore Olympus? That’s a close call but again, Hermes! Also, remember that time I went around Trieste hunting down every last statue of Hermes? You get the picture.

So of course, if I was really planning an entire series about the Planets in astrology, I was going to be Mercury. Technically it isn’t even the first time I’ve done that, since I assigned the embodiment / rulership of astrological Mercury to Astaroth in my Infernal Lords series: this is just one step further.

Said plans were actually not a spur-of-the-moment decision in the wake of how glorious Venus turned out last year: checking the metadata for the wings I shot to complete this photo, I took those in September 2018, which means by then the general concept for the project had already formed in my head, and I had a few specifics sorted out too.

One of these specifics was that the Sun and the two inferior planets (those orbiting closer to the Sun than Earth, i.e. Mercury and Venus) would be back-lit, in the former’s case to make it look radiant, and in the latter’s because that would be the “correct” light from our perspective, as they’re never too far from the Sun.

In practice, this translated into a painstakingly long process that involved going to the park, baiting birds with breadcrumbs, then scaring them away so I could take photos while they spread their wings, which had to be back-lit too to correctly fit the final image. And fun fact, while the wings sat there in my external hard drive for two years and a half, at some point I thought I’d have to reshoot them now I had upgraded my telephoto lens, until I tried using them as a place holder and found out they actually looked good in the context of the photo.

What I did have to reshoot was the portrait: I gave it a first try back in October last year, but the photos from that session were unconvincing and, after a few weeks of fiddling with them, I decided to scrap them and start over. For one thing the modelling was too stiff to represent dynamic, quick-moving and quick-thinking Mercury. Also, the abuse of a reflecting panel made for some not-so-good lighting with too much of a yellowish tone for the blue hues I had in mind (yes, I’m going to be shamelessly stealing the Sailor Senshi’s colour schemes for this project). I had also half-assed the styling and grooming (most notably, short sleeves don’t work well with the pose and a linen scarf is too heavy to float in the breeze), plus I was facing the camera and that didn’t jam well with the wings: there’s a reason why every Hermes/Mercury statue, bust or what not has them parallel to the skull, and that’s not to make them look like donkey ears. Trust me, spread head wings don’t look pretty.

 

Having learned from my mistakes, I purchased a couple of new white shirts for the project, waited out winter and the string of partial lock-downs in the past months, got a new haircut to have hairdresser-fresh grooming, and finally set off to rectify the situation. As usual, a huge chunk of the praise has to go to my assistant, my mother DamaInNero, for helping me out with the self-portrait (i.e.: I did the set up, but it was her who clicked and captured the precise moment when I was at my most flowy).

Speaking of which, I’m pretty satisfied with the pose and the flow of the scarf: it sort of looks as if Mercury just paused for a moment to check social media before taking off and flying somewhere that caught his attention.

As with Venus, I went for some pretty straight-forward symbolism: extra emphasis on communication and curiosity symbolised by the smartphone, a device that literally puts humankind’s entire knowledge in your hands, and the wings to nod back to Hermes and to symbolise a “winged mind”, so to speak. They also double as an oblique reference to Mercury’s planetary symbol, the caduceus with the winged petasos (travelling hat).

There’s no astronomical easter egg this time because Mercury is a fickle little bitch who likes evading observation and photography. Also, as you can guess, I won’t pass on the chance to put halos on each single character this time around, so halo it is.

 

At this point, with two thematically similar works already done, there’s no point denying this has become my latest long-term project. The next work is really going to codify it for good: I’m not planning on doing the Sun anytime soon because I don’t have the right model, so the next Planet is going to decide whether the back light is just for the inferior planets or the aesthetic for the entire project. I might have someone in mind while I’m still here in Sardinia, especially now that my age group is getting vaccinated and I’ll be able to meet my friends again, so here’s hoping there will be new additions soon.

All I Have To Give

“Staring in the mirror,
Watching as the walls are closing in,
A shadow of a figure
Trying to make the best of the state that I am in.
I guess I could do with the friends I’ve been pushing away,
But I’m destined to suffer until I discover the reasons I’m afraid.

God knows I try:
It might not be good enough,
But it’s all I have to give,
This is all I have to give.
You might be right sometimes,
I never open up,
But it’s all I have to give,
This is all I have to give.

Staring in the mirror,
Picturing the face of a younger man.
He buries it away
‘Cause he’s gotta try and cope in a way he understands.
Be there for your brother and strong for your mother again
‘Cause he’s too young to get it and she’ll get upset if she knows you feel the pain.

God knows I try:
It might not be good enough,
But it’s all I have to give,
This is all I have to give.
You might be right sometimes,
I’m too scared to open up,
But it’s all I have to give,
This is all I have to give to you.

I tell myself there’s nothing left to lose.
I don’t know why I’m hiding from the truth.
I face myself and all I see is you,
Is you
Staring in the mirror,
Watching as the walls are closing in.

But God knows I try,:
It might not be good enough,
But it’s all I have to give,
This is all I have to give.
You might be right sometimes,
I’m too scared to open up,
But it’s all I have to give,
This is all I have to give to you,
To you,
This is all I have to give.”

[ All I Have To Give – Hurts ]

It’s kinda easy and tempting to dismiss All I Have To Give as just your garden-variety soppy piano ballad: I almost did initially. For the first few plays I gave Faith, I regarded it as the weak link of an otherwise consistently strong album. Thankfully, once I get familiar with the melody, I’ve got the habit to add the lyrics to my iTunes files, which require a specific listen during which I double check if everything is in order (yeah, I’ve got my idiosyncratic rituals when I listen to music). And lo and behold, is this apparently harmless ballad actually about the fact that Theo suffers from depression? Yeah, dude, same: welcome to the club. Suddenly, All I Have To Give had become one of the most relatable songs in Hurts’ entire catalogue, and its apparent simplicity had turned into a mark of sincerity and openness.

Once I got to work on a photographic concept, I decided to start with two reoccurring keywords in the lyrics: the mirror and the fear of opening up, the latter symbolised by the shut jewellery box and resting bitch face. I decided to basically make a still life with my trustworthy Mirror Of Decay (of Morphine fame), the box and a few other items, with a model (myself) appearing as a reflection.

As for the objects, aside from the candles, which are mostly for dressing, I included a vintage Industar 50mm lens (which belonged to my mother’s now defunct analogue camera) as the “all I have to give”: sometimes I do feel as if my artistic output is the only thing I am able to give, or the most effective way in which I can sort out and communicate my feelings. The calendar (which returned from Gloomy Sunday) and broken clock (from the unrelated We Just Stopped Breathing) are there to represent the weird relationship between depression and time: sometimes it feels like days are just running by with no way to slow them down or at least savour them, sometimes like time has frozen and the clock won’t move.

 

It took me a while to get down to shooting the photo because the weather has been too gloomy for an indoor photo, given that all my light equipment is still in Trieste, but at last I took advantage of yesterday’s sun and shot it.

From a technical standpoint, the photo actually consists of two merged exposures, one focussed on the still life scene and one on the reflection, which is optically much farther away and thus can’t be focussed on at the same time unless you shut the diaphragm to a prohibitive degree, given the light conditions. I also made no effort to hide the chip in the mirror or the surface being unglued from the frame, to further emphasise a sense of weariness. You can also have a glimpse of my CD library because I wanted to ground the photo in reality rather than depict it in some abstract space.

So there it is, a rather simple photo with some below-the-surface symbolism, much like the song has hidden depths beneath its sweet ballad appearance.

Sandman

“I spend these waking hours looking for the sandman.
I spend these waking hours looking for his master plan.
I’ll wait till morning, till he comes to my house,
And he’ll give no warning when he’s knocking me out, oh.

So sing me to sleep tonight, yeah,
And don’t bring me back to life.

I spend these waking hours looking for the sandman.
I spend these waking hours looking for his master plan.
He will be sorry when he comes to my house:
I’ll show no mercy till the lights go out, oh.

So sing me to sleep tonight, yeah,
And don’t bring me back to life.

We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.
We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.
We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.
We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.

So sing me to sleep tonight, yeah,
And don’t bring me back to life, yeah.

We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.
We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.
We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.
We’re waiting for the sandman, but he never heeds the call.”

[ Sandman – Hurts ]

Sandman is one of those Hurts song which I really, really like but never quite knew what to do with. On the one hand it’s weird, since I perceive the song as being about insomnia, which I can relate to. On the other, it may be because I’m Italian and the Sandman is a foreign mythological figure to me: so while I do understand the metaphor on an intellectual level as an adult, it doesn’t quite speak to me on that personal, visceral level as something from my childhood would.

With this in mind, I kind of always left this song shelved while focussing on other photos for the project, giving it a thought or two every now and again but without much luck. Concepts I considered included: two models – one being the Sandman and the other the speaker – interacting in an ambiguously flirty way, but then I thought it would be too much of a rehash of Cupid; a male model rolling in the sand by the beach or letting it flow through his fingers, but that sounded generic and not really relevant to the song; a male model in the sand with an horglass, basically a remake of a very old photo of mine, which sounded at least a bit mystical in theory but never totally convinced me. The idea of the hourglass, however, stuck to the back of my mind and came back in full force once I made up my mind at last.

 

The right visual cue I finally found on Tumblr in Riding Solo, an editorial by Garrett Naccarato which made an amazing use of grazing light to give just an impression of Thierry Marin’s jawline while leaving most of his features in deep shadows. I found that visually striking and thought it would work very well for my photo: having a human figure shrouded in mystery would leave the focus on the sandglass, whose shape would be very distinctive even with grazing light.

One thing I hadn’t accounted for, which I noticed while doing some light tests, was the sandglass being, well, a glass filled with shifting sand, duh. That meant the glass was full of microscopic scratches that would refract the light and illuminate the whole thing, which was even better for my concept. After the test shoots, all I had to do was trim my beard, wash and style my hair, paint my nails, and today I took the photo with some assistance from my mother.

So, while the concept is still quite loose, I decided to make up for it with strong visuals. This is pretty much the opposite of the approach I always had, especially at the beginning when strong visuals were out of my reach and I had to make up with solid concepts, but I considered an important learning experience: even thinking outside of my box, I managed to get a photo I love and am proud of.

Numb

“I breathe,
I breathe again.
My mind
Is set to ‘stun’ again
And ‘make you dull’ again.

Not all of my scars are visible,
Not all of my thoughts are pitiful.
My exaltation’s chemical, uh.
I know that I’m stuck inside a rut
But now that I’ve taken twice as much,
Oh, oh yeah,

I just feel nothing at all
And I’m not stopping till I detach from you.
I just feel nothing at all
And I’m not stopping till I detach from you, uh.
I’m numb.

I breathe,
I breathe again.
I need to find some release
Until the fever ends
And I slip away again.

Not all of my scars are visible,
Not all of my pain is physical.
This apathy is beautiful, uh.

I just feel nothing at all
And I’m not stopping till I detach from you.
I just feel nothing at all
And I’m not stopping till I detach from you.
I’m so numb.”

[ Numb – Hurts ]

Pretty much a counterpart to Somebody, Numb is another of my “revenge photoshoots” inspired by that same situation. Indeed, I applied the same rationale of going to the location where I had the last photoshoot with that specific person and build the image around that.

This time, you probably won’t recognise the place because that photoshoot I’m referencing was that person’s passion project and I let them publish it without bothering doing it myself; but if you have figured out whom I’m referring to, you can check their Instagram and recognise the very distinctive rocks in the background.

On a little tangent, that specific photoshoot does make me angry in retrospect because the person had just arrived in town after two flights, but they weren’t too tired to go shooting their passion project straightaway, while one of the excuses to dodge the rescheduling of Stay was they had a pleasure boat cruise in the morning and that would make them too tired to shoot in the afternoon. Like, seriously? A-are you for real?

Moving on, Numb is almost industrial in sound, with an obsessive beat and prominent rough-sounding synths. One reason why I decided to reference that shoot was the terrain would provide a nice visual link to the music, with the multiple segments recalling the beat and the bare rocks the texture of the instruments. Also, the song feels very dynamic, which the natural diagonal lines would easily convey.

The only problem with that location is that I envisioned a diffused light, so I had to wait for the perfect day to shoot, namely cloudy but without too much wind. The reason you can guess looking at Storm’s End: when the weather is too bad, the waves completely leap over the rocks, so I would have caught a cold and destroyed my camera in the process. Speaking of Storm’s End, yeah, the photoshoot with my former friend and the ensuing disappointment are what I was obliquely referring to with the title and in the description, but getting closure is still a work in progress on my part.

As for the modelling, I kind of immediately figured I’d be holding a knife in it and be ambiguous about its purpose: might be an embodiment of the pain the protagonist went through, an item to cut the person off, a toy to play with because the numbness won’t make him feel any pain, or maybe I’m just about to jump off the photo and cut some bitch. I also considered but eventually decided against including blood because, that way, whatever wound would be invisible and metaphorical as in the lyrics.

The pose was very uncomfortable because there was basically no room for my legs and I had to keep them at a weird angle, which made me look unsettled but, against all odds, contributed to the dynamism of the image, as did the impromptu coiffure a gust of wind gave me. I’m particularly proud of that because, while most of the photo was carefully planned down to what kind of monochrome I would turn it to and what light would make it look its best, I managed to make those little unplanned details work in favour of the shoot.

And in many ways, that’s the very basis of this photo: I took a situation that kept bogging the Inspiration Hurts project down until it reached a boiling point and escalated outside of photography, and used it to fuel the project itself. I don’t know if I would have come up as easily with concepts for Somebody and Numb if I hadn’t had all this shade to serve.

That is not to say I’m thankful to that person, though. Even outside of my petty squabble, there’s one thing I want to say: never be thankful to the people who hurt you. You haven’t grown up thanks to that pain, you did despite it. They have no business flattering themselves by taking any credits for it.